Attachment Issues?

When Children Have Difficulties Attaching to their Parents, It May Result in a Lack of Meaningful Relationships as an Adult.

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

My husband and I both work long hours, and my 3-year-old son stays at home mainly with our live-in nanny. While she is caring and we both love our son, I'm afraid that my child may grow up not feeling close to his parents like I did. My husband assures me that it's in my head, but the last thing I want is my son unable to have good relationships later in life. Do I have a legitimate concern, and if so, what can I do? Thank-you Ask April!

Signed,

Uninformed Parent

A:

Dear Uninformed Parent,

I can tell you love your child, and for that reason I'm sure he'll grow up healthily. However, attachment disorder is a legitimate concern and has been linked to problems later in life.

Attachment disorder is what children suffer when they do not successfully bond with one or both of their parents. This bonding time for attachment is usually from birth through early years. When children do not attach to their parents they have trouble attaching with other people in relationships throughout their lives. This includes friendships, romantic relationships and parent-child relationships where they are the parent.

In worst scenario cases, the children who do not attachment do not develop empathy, compassion or sympathy, and can be very cold blooded and calculated as well as narcissistic. Many criminals never attached as children.

That said, lack of attachment does not mean that a child will become a criminal. Especially if the parent is aware of the attachment issues and tries to remedy them.

Children from adoption situations or foster care situations have natural challenges attaching because they are not with their parents to attach to, physically. Introducing attachment to these children after they are adopted can be easy or difficult. It requires special intelligence, communication and intimacy. Parents should offer themselves to children for comfort, questions and basic needs on a consistent basis. This is a start because the children have not had consistency from a parental figure coming from an orphanage -- or they have had it from someone else, and are now suffering abandonment issues.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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