Baby Babble

What Do My Baby's Cries Mean?

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. But I constantly argue with my husband over whether or not I can understand what my son wants when he cries. Please settle this argument for us! Can a mother understand the needs of her child based on his cries?

Sincerely,

Brand New Mom

A:

Dear Brand New Mom,

Think of it this way: When you’re in bed with your husband, can you tell his different non-verbal noises apart? I bet you can. And I bet he can tell yours apart, too. I bet he knows what to do when you make a certain noise or gesture, and whether to do more, less -- or that other thing based on your non-verbal cues. Right? But you didn’t start out knowing what certain noises meant. In fact, the joy of your sex life and your intimacy together is finding out what these non-verbal, secret signals are.

Noises and gestures are just another form of language

Your baby is someone you have a different kind of relationship with, but you will get to know his or her noises, cries, coos, looks and movements the same way --  if you pay attention. However, the difference is new mothers and fathers are not always tuned in for a myriad of reasons. It doesn't matter if the reason is emotional trauma, interpersonal problems, medical issues or lack of sleep — the best way to know what your baby wants is to tune in.

Tips to tune in to your baby:

* When your baby cries, listen. Don’t act. Stay still and listen.

* Don’t panic. If your baby is crying, it’s usually because he or she can’t talk and tell you what he or she wants. It’s very hard not to panic, but work at it. If you panic, it’s harder to tune in. Plus, your baby learns your panic behavior and will come to associate it with his orher crying, complicating your dynamic further.

* Focus on the baby — not your mother-in-law’s reaction, not your husband’s reaction, and not the reaction of the neighbors. Tune in to the baby, but tune out to everyone else.

* Look for patterns in the cries. The pitch, the duration, and what calms the baby down are all clues.

And if a baby is the last thing on your mind, don't feel bad or left out! I still have advice for you! 

 

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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