Call In 'Grand' Help

Grandma and Grandpa Can Help Your Child Adjust to Becoming a Big Brother or Big Sister

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Dating Tips and Advice

Q: Dear April Masini,

My husband and I are due to have our second baby in a few months. Our 3-year-old is excited in some ways, but seems to be questioning how things are going to change once the new baby gets here. I spend all day every day with my full attention on him, so I'm worried about how he'll react when he realizes I have to spend a lot of time with the new baby too. His grandparents have offered to spend time with him and help him adjust, which I think might be a really good thing. How could his grandparents best help to make this happy but difficult time easier for him?

Sincerely,

Soon to Have Two

A:

Dear Soon to Have Two, 

Having a baby when you already have one or two or three or more, is different than having a first baby. The entire focus is not just on the new baby. It's on the sibling(s), as well. One of the best gifts that a sibling can get is personal attention, and while Mom and Dad need to focus on the new baby, grandparents can be a big help during labor and delivery, when it comes to caring for other children in the family.

Here are some tips for grandparents and parents:

1. Make a plan in advance. Decide when grandparents will come over -- or when siblings will go to grandma and grandpa's house. Decide in advance where the child will sleep at grandma and grandpa's if it's an overnight visit. And if grandma and grandpa are coming to the child's house, determine where grandma and grandpa will sleep. Involve the children in this plan. This is a time of loss of control for siblings -- as well as the rest of the family. The more control the child feels they have, the more secure they will feel. If you keep your child in the loop on what the plans are, you will be bolstering their well being.

2. If possible, have grandma and grandpa come to the child rather than delivering the child to grandma and grandpa's house. Keeping as much normal as possible for the child will bolster security. Child can have his or her things at his or her own house. Play dates, housekeeper, babysitters, school, etc., all stay the same that way.

3. Let grandma and grandpa be the good guy! Loosen the rules while they're visiting. Allow treats and television that you normally don't allow, and that the child wants. Allow grandma and grandpa to spoil the new big brother or big sister at this time.

4. Grandma and Grandpa should get the house ready! The worst thing grandma and grandpa can do is try to displace Mom and Dad. The child is already anxious and separating from Mom and Dad (whether you think they are or not), and if grandma and grandpa can help the child get the house ready by sweeping, picking flowers, grocery shopping for Mom's favorite foods, getting a present for the baby, etc., the child will feel special, and grandma and grandpa will have further strengthened their viable roles as part of the child's family.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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