Career Advice - Working With Friends

The Pros & Cons to Hiring & Firing Friends - When The Promotion Doesn't Go To Your Buddy

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Dating Tips and Advice

Q: Dear April Masini,

I hired a friend of mine to work for me, and while it seemed like a great idea at the time, it’s been a disaster ever since. If this employee hadn’t been my friend first, I would have fired her a long time ago. What do I do?

Signed,
Fired Up

A:

Dear Fired Up,

If you hire and fire, chances are, at some point, you're going to find yourself hiring and firing friends. That is, people you have had relationships with before you worked together – as opposed to people you work with who became friends afterwards. And even though you will have both kinds of friends – those who pre-date your working together, and those who became friends after you began working together -- the problem of work and friendship crossing lines can be just as touchy as dating and working with the same people. The reason is that one or both of you have emotional feelings – and feelings of friendship are just as strong as feelings that people who date have with each other – that have nothing to do with work.

Working With Friends Crosses Lines

When a work relationship with a friend goes well, the resulting dynamic can be very rewarding. A true friend always has your back, and when that friend is an employee, they have your back -- and your bottom line!

This is one of those times when crossing the line is a good thing with a positive outcome. But when things don't work out, it can be more difficult to fire a friend because you expect to see the person in social situations outside of work, so it’s not the same as firing someone you’ll never see again.

That feeling of ripping a band-aid off and having a lot of pain, and then you’re fine – only happens when you fire someone you don’t know. But with a friend, you will have lots of opportunities outside the office to relive those feelings of discomfort (whether it’s guilt, anger or conflict) that surround the firing. You may also feel guilty or angry about the bad work that led up to the firing.

When The Promotion Doesn't Go To Your Buddy

But firing a friend isn’t the only problem you may have. You may feel badly about hiring or promoting someone who is not a friend when you have a friend working for you, who would have liked to be promoted him or herself. Your friend may confide feelings to you about wanting to be promoted that he or she would not share if you two were not friends. If you have any guilt or feelings of responsibility, not promoting your friend, knowing his or her feelings, can be uncomfortable. More so than if the person you passed over for a promotion was just another employee who is not your friend.

The bottom line is that hiring and firing are dynamics that happen when a relationship is not equal. The act of hiring and firing makes the inequality more apparent. When a friend is one of the parties involved in the inequality, there can be hard feelings. Does this mean you shouldn't hire a friend? Absolutely not. Working with friends can be extremely rewarding and often good business. Who better to know how to be on the same page with you than someone who's known you socially? But before you hire -- or fire -- a friend, consider these tips.

Pros of Hiring a Friend

  1. You already know how good the friend is, and you have a good idea of what your friend can and can't do in a particular job.
  2. You can still see your friend socially and talk about work at the same time. You can get a lot more done this way.
  3. You have a "shorthand" way of communicating with this person with whom you have a history.

Cons of Hiring a Friend

  1. You were mistaken about how you thought your friend would perform in the job. Now, you're stuck because correcting and firing the friend isn't just correcting and firing an garden variety employee. There are feelings involved.
  2. You still see your friend socially and can't escape work because your friend is always talking about it whenever he or she is around you.
  3. Your friend expects special favors at work because of the friendship.

What To Do If You Hire A Friend & It Isn't Working Out

  1. Keep communication clear. It is not always possible to keep communication open because as your friend's employer, there may be things you know and have to handle at work that you cannot tell your employees -- including your friend. Make this dynamic clear.
  2. Take a break from social situations where your friend will be. Don't pretend that you want to talk about work every time you see your friend. Tell him or her that you would like to just enjoy the social situation that you are both attending, and not talk work. If this doesn't work out, take a night off from a social situation -- or go elsewhere where your friend will not be.
  3. Stay neutral as much as possible. Nepotism doesn't just happen with family members. Friends count, too. Keep your perspective.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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