Career Advice - Workplace Bullies

Dealing with Elementary Antics at Work

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

I can't believe I'm writing about this, since I thought this type of life problem was over about 20 years ago, but there is a guy at my work who can only be characterized as a bully, and I'm a little unclear as to how to deal with him. (Running to the teacher, obviously, won't be helpful.)

I am one of the thinner men on staff and he constantly belittles my size, uses the word "sissy" to describe me and questions my sexuality. It's a little ridiculous. I'd like to let it go, but last week he made a joke in front of a client that was not only humiliating but also just bad business.

How do I deal with something like this?

Sincerely,

Bullied 

A: Dear Bullied,

Bullying is a form of passive aggressive abuse. Bullies are like vigilantes who are trying to remedy an inequity in some part of their life where they got the short end of the stick. The victim of the bullying usually has nothing to do with that original inequity. By giving the victim the short end of the stick, the bully feels vindicated in some way. He may also feel guilty, embarrassed, humiliated and other emotions as he relates both to the original bully who hurt him, and to the victim, who he is hurting.

Bullying impacts:

Bullying impacts the office relationships because it betrays trust. Bullying stunts creativity because people who are bullied worry about being bullied first and foremost instead of focusing on their work. Bullying creates "teams" and proliferates copycat bullying which breaks down team play which is an integral dynamic in productive office work.

How to respond to bullying:

Unless you stand up to a bully, they will continue to bully. It is important to stay your own course of honesty in the face of bullying. This takes courage, and usually, bullies look for victims or anyone with a victim kernel in their makeup to impose themselves. So if you're someone with a victim strand, you're going to be facing your own fears that run deeper than what's going on currently.

Sarcasm is one of the methods bullies employ. Don't play ball. Don't reduce yourself to their game. Don't express yourself back with sarcasm.

If it's not funny, don't laugh. Many bullies use put downs and then laugh to invite group encouragement of the put down. Don't join in.

Don't respond. If a bully baits you, don't respond. Walk away.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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