Downer Roommate!

Tips to Avoid Catching Your Roommate's Negative Attitude

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

I am living with my best friend, and for the most part things are great. The problem is, while I have an extremely positive and upbeat attitude toward life in general, even when I am handed setbacks, her attitude is just the opposite. It never bugged me when we were friends, but now that I am coming home to her every day after work, I am finding it almost impossible to hold onto my own optimism. I'm getting dragged down with her and more than once have joined her on the couch for complaints about men, work, parents, and everything else she can think of. I don't like myself when I'm like this, but I want to remain friends and, if possible, continue to live with her. Can you give me any advice?

Signed,

Debbie Downer's Roommate

Dear Debbie Downer's Roommate,

It's difficult to change another person; it's much easier to check your own behavior. You're absolutely right about keeping your own upbeat attitude. Having a smile on your face makes you more appealing to dates, coworkers, and probably just strangers on the bus as well. It seems that you've decided this friendship is worth keeping, so working on your own deflection skills is your best bet. When going to bed happy is becoming an increasingly difficult task, there are a few things you can keep in mind to help:

Recognize negativity when you see it

The more you recognize it, the better you will get at recognizing it before it gets to you. Pretty soon, you will be able to spot negative people or people in a negative mood before they even speak.

Catch yourself being negative

This is harder than it sounds. It’s a discipline. Catching yourself is a crucial step to stopping the negative effects of negativity. When you're sitting on the couch kvetching with your roommate, how long does it take before you realize that it's happening? A minute or an hour? Learn to pick up on that behavior before it happens and you will waste a lot less time being a person you don't want to be.

Tend toward people with positive and supportive energy

Expand your circle of friends or spend one night a week having dinner with someone who you know will match your positive attitude. Seek out the most optimistic people to have lunch with at work. You may love your roommate but you don't have to spend all your time with her.

Don’t engage in negative behavior

Disengage. When you see or hear someone being negative — regardless who the negativity is directed at (self or other) — step away from the curb! It’s called a benign disconnect.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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