Excuses, Excuses

Where is Celeb Bad Behavior Coming From, and Can it Be Stopped?

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

The entertainment news appears to have become "Celebrities Gone Wild." They are doing things that none of us in real life would dream of! And if we did, we sure couldn't go on a radio show and blame it on the fact we had one too many vodka tonics. What's the deal, and why are we so accepting of their nonsense?

Sincerely,

Disillusioned Celeb Mag Reader 

A:

Dear Disillusioned Celeb Mag Reader,

You're right. Much celebrity behavior today has brought up some questions, and I've got some answers.

1) Why doesn’t anyone just say I’m sorry anymore?

People don’t apologize on the spot because:

* They lack courage. Apologizing is not for the faint of heart, in fact, it’s a tool of strong people, not weak people.

* Arguing has become an American sport. Apologizing ends an argument in most cases.

* Low self esteem disallows people to disassociate themselves with their position or their insult. People with low self esteem feel that if they change their position on an insult or an argument, they are weak or less than strong.

* Insulting people makes some people feel big. This is the dynamic of bullies.

* Many folks don’t know how to apologize. It’s not something they’ve been taught, have seen, have had role-modeled for them, or have gotten positive feedback for.

2) Is this a real apology?

An apology is a group of words. A strong apology is backed up with genuine feelings and remonstrative behavior.

3) If you do something, isn’t it “in your character”?

Yes. Behavior is character. However, there are people who are good people, but when they are stressed, they behave differently than they normally do. If someone is normally healthy, and they have to work an 80-hour week, they may get pneumonia. This doesn’t mean that they are normally sickly, but under these circumstances, they are. The same is true with bad behavior. If someone is under extreme duress, divorce, death in the family, moving, illness, etc. they may behave badly because they don’t have their normal resources.

4) Are we too judgmental?

It’s not that we’re too judgmental, we become focused on details instead of on the big picture. We lose the idea of the outcome instead of focusing on the salacious behavior. Mel Gibson has a real problem understanding people and needs help, but the focus is on his anti-semitism. Michael Vick has trouble disassociating himself with other people’s feelings about him, which is why he made obscene gestures at fans. Michael Richards wanted attention more than he cared about hurting people’s feelings.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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