First Date Rules for Women

What to do (and not do) on first dates.

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

So, this great guy finally gets the guts to ask me out (after over a month of talking), and I said I didn't mind, we'll meet for 3 days on a row cause he travels so often.

Anyway, he's like the wisest guy I've ever met, and I don't wanna screw it up with him, I don't know how I should act (just being myself isn't an advice by the way).

I don't want to give a wrong impression of myself at all, but I want to come off charming, what are the rules of dating? I'm really bad at dating.

Signed,

Need to Know First Date Commandments

Well, that's a great question -- so great I've written a book on the topic!

However, first things first. You say you're terrible at dating... If this is true you need to pick up my book Think & Date Like A Man (you can get it on AskApril.com or in any local book store or online bookseller.) -- then read it and live it! You will never feel like you are bad at dating again!

In the meantime, I will address your question about First Dates.

#1 - Ask him about him and let him talk! Everyone, and especially men, love to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Use the first date to find out as much as you can about him... his accomplishments, his family, sports he likes, etc. Try to focus in on traits and qualities that make him unique.

NOTE: Anything unique you can compliment him on will be greatly appreciated as men rarely receive compliments.

In short, ask him about him and he will think you're the most interesting, most charming and best conversationalist he's ever met. (There will be plenty of time for him to learn about you on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th dates.)

#2 - Never speak badly about your ex. While few will admit it this is a red flag... Most guys will assume that you'll say bad things about them should it "not work out". If he asks you about your ex, try to think of something nice to say. If you can't, tell him you'll discuss you ex later... you're more interested in getting to know him.

#3 - No sex on the first date. Why not? Because if you have sex on the first date (or before there’s a deep connection) – you better have fantastic sex the first time or they’re unlikely to stick around. For many, mediocre sex combined with not having that deep emotional connection means that you’re not the right person… and they’ll move on to someone else.

#4 - Don't drink too much. A drunk woman is not classy or sexy. Enough said.

#5 - Dress to impress! What do I mean by that? Here's an excerpt from my book Ideas for a Fun Date, which also has a chapter about first dates:

How you dress on a first date is crucial. Lets go through the basics.

1. What kind of message should your outfit say about you on a first date?
Men like to admire-noticing curves, contours, and shapes. Ladies that convey the message that they are sexy and seductive, without going over board, will usually be asked out again. Women assess-noticing confident, class, style and intelligence. The politically incorrect truth is that women want to marry up, not down-placing a high value status, and the tell tale signs of money, power and success. Men, on the other hand, will marry a girl who works at McDonalds if she’s beautiful, hot and sexy enough-in short, men want sex.

2. What are some of the messages you definitely DON'T want your outfit to say about you on a first date?
Ladies, yes, there is this myth going around that men date the "bad girls" but marry the "good girls", but don't be fooled! If a man does not find you sexually attractive, he's not going to date you, much less marry you.

3. What types of colors are inviting and approachable? Which ones aren't?
Color can make a huge-and immediate-impact. Think about the feeling you want your date to have when they see you, and chose your colors to meet that desire. For instance, you probably want them to think you're sexy, not "earthy", so veer towards reds and steer clear of brown and greens. Also keep in mind whether your date is during the day or at night. If the sun is out, blue is a great choice, but it may look dull at night.

4. What types of colors or pieces can be seen as intimidating?
No color can be intimidating, as long as it's worn with other colors. Just think about the difference between an outfit that’s all red, and one that has touches of it here and there. Ladies, keep in mind that men can be intimidated by and/or embarrassed to be seen with, someone who is dressed overly-sexy (think more Versace, less Red Light District).

5. What is the perfect first date outfit for the following settings?

Dinner
Women - Set yourself apart and wear a dress! So many women wear pants, which can be a hot look, but show your guy that you really care by donning the ultimate femine outfit. Pair it with a fabulous stiletto, and the perfect lipstick, (and sexy lingerie for later) and you're good to go.

Remember: your guy could probably care less about that Prada bag you just dropped big bucks for, but will really appreciate the time you put into picking out that perfect pair of matching bra and panties!

Movie
Women: Tight jeans, a flirty feminine shirt, and that same pair of stilettos from the dinner date. Perfection!

Drinks after work
This is the one date where your work clothes are perfectly acceptable. Ladies might want to loose the jacket and put on an extra coat of lipstick.

Weekend brunch
Brunch is a great opportunity to play with what appeals to you because it's one of those rare times when practically anything goes. You'll see women in everything from their Sunday best (a summer dress and high-heeled sandals) to a cute but super casual Juicy Couture outfit. And same with the guys who can show up in suit pants and sweater to jeans and a button down. It’s your free day pass, so make the most of it.

6. Is it smart to use your clothing as a conversation piece? Why?
While you don't want your clothes to get more attention than you do, it doesn't hurt matters any to have your clothes help you get attention - especially if you're a woman. Clothes help draw the eye to were you want it to go, and when it comes to the roving eye of men, that'll be to any curve or exposed body part available. Let clothes work for you, but not the other way around.

7) Any tips on combating first date fashion anxiety?
Imagine what type of person your date would most like to be out with, and make yourself into that person-at least visually. Was your date wearing loads of blue when you first bumped into one another? Well then it's a safe bet they'd like to see you in it, too.

Women should always wear at least a little makeup (a great lipstick can take you far), and sex it up as much as possible without crossing the line into slutty territory.

8. Any personal anecdotes or stories regarding first date fashion experiences / obstacles?
Because so many people in the US are overweight, I think dressing in a sexy way can feel like a huge obstacle. But it's not impossible! Start with a black base - the most slimming of all colors-and make sure it's not baggy. I repeat-not baggy. Then, pick a feature that you think is your sexiest.

Even if you’ve got a little too much junk in the trunk, you may still have a great tush, or fantastic pair of legs, so make sure your outfit shows them off. And even thought it hasn't happened to me personally, I have seen the horror of other women leave the bathroom with their skirt tucked into their hose, or toilet paper stuck to their shoe. Always do a head-to-toe check before leaving the bathroom.

9. In your opinion is there absolutely anything you should NEVER wear on a first date? Anything you should 100% incorporate into your outfit?
For women, I really would say to never look anything less than your sexiest. Don't go for the schoolmarm or librarian look-even if you are one-as it is a surefire guarantee that you'll be overlooked.

On that same note, always incorporate a sexy element into your outfit. This may mean anything from wearing a shirt with a deep v-cut to highlight your décolletage, to showing a glimpse of midriff if you’ve been working those abs. You don't need to go overboard, of course, but give them something to pique their desire. Something to crave. Something that they won't be able to stop thinking about long after the date is over.

10. What pro/contact sport would you compare a first date to and why?
It may not be a contact sport, but to me, dating is just like a chess game. It's all about anticipating your opponent's next move (i.e.-knowing what they want before they tell you), and making the right moves so that you’re always two steps ahead of them. It's a thinking person's game - a game of strategy-just like dating!

There! With that you are all set to attack your first date with confidence!

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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