How Debt Can Impact More Than Your Credit Score
By
Relationship Advice Expert April MasiniQ: Dear April Masini,
My daughter is in a lot of debt, from her college loans to her credit cards. I have helped her as much as I can, but she seems unresponsive and acts extremely helpless in the situation, just getting herself in more trouble. She recently broke up with a long-term boyfriend and doesn't seem to have as much of a social life anymore.
Do you think that she needs psychological counseling as well as credit counseling, or are the two things unrelated?
Sincerely,
Financially Sound Father
A:
Dear Financially Sound Father,
Money stress can impact health and it can impact relationships -- something I know about, as a relationship expert. Once relationships are affected, health is affected. And when relationships are affected by debt, there is a trickle down effect onto other relationships.
Debt is not something that people forget. They try to deny it or dodge it or get rid of it, but while it's there, it looms not unlike an illness. The longer people deny or dodge debt, the worse the impact of the stress because now they're not just spending energy worrying about the debt, they're also spending energy denying and/or dodging the debt.
Debt is hard to keep a secret, and family members, friends and neighbors will find out about it. Their knowing creates a sense of shame for many people who feel that having debt is a character flaw instead of a normal part of much humanity. The shame creates a third layer of stress in addition to the worry about the debt, the denying and dodging it.
All of this stress starts taking up time and affects productivity at work and in relationships. Instead of being "all there" in a marriage or a romantic relationship or a parental relationship, a person with debt will be allocating much of his or her energy to the worry, the denying/dodging, and the shame, and will not be participating intimately, fully or even satisfactorily in these relationships. The relationships then begin to fall apart and the debtor has to spend time worrying or correcting the personal relationships IN ADDITION to the prior layers of stress.
Like dominoes falling against one another, debt starts a chain reaction that is methodical and predictable and negative.
April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas,
and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.
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