Full Time Life

Run A Smooth Household When You And Your Spouse Work Full Time

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

My husband and I both work full time, but we still want to make sure we are deeply involved with our family at all times during the day. We have a great nanny, but don't want her to be "raising" our children. How can we make sure our household stays structured in the way we want, even when we're not there?

Sincerely,

Working Family

A:

Dear Working Family,

The best way to keep a structure and consistent boundaries in a household where both parents work full time is twofold: set up a hierarchy and keep communication channels open and clear. When the hierarchy breaks down, you will have problems. Even if you and your spouse are not running the family "on site," you can still know what's going on and be clear who's going to do what when.

Tips for running a smooth household:

1. Set up a structure that works even if you are not there. Have one nanny, one housekeeper or one whatever you have with a back-up person in case the main one gets sick.

2. Make the chores and the punishments for not completing chores clear.

3. Be clear on the amount of discipline the caregiver is allowed to impose on the children when you are not there.

4. Have family meetings structured and mandatory for when you are all present.

5. Have family vacations structured so you all know when it's coming and how long it's going to be.

6. Have a holiday schedule worked out so everyone knows what to expect -- Christmas at Grandma's? Christmas with friends? At home? Away?

7. Make house rules clear -- bedtimes, meal times, etc.

Then, be prepared to have a different kind of household than Norman Rockwell's painting subjects have. You are giving up authority for parenting, and the sooner you accept that, the easier it will be for you to make your home run smoothly.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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