Helicopter Parents Hover

Why You Should Stop Hovering Over Your Children and Let Them Learn Independence

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

I love my kids to death, but my husband says it's time I start letting them go. But they're only in middle school, and I don't think they're ready to be "let go." I like to know everything they do, who they hang out with, what they're learning in school, and what they're putting in their bodies. My husband says I go overboard, but they're still so young so don't they still need me to help them make decisions?

Sincerely,

Watching Over My Kids

A:

Dear Watching Over My Kids,

You, my friend, are what I call a helicopter parent. You like to hover. And while your kids do still need some supervision and guidance, they do not need you to hove over them.

Why you should stop being a helicopter parent:

The biggest problem with helicopter parenting is that it sends a message to children that they are not competent to do things alone and that parents don’t trust them to be okay without them. It also sends the message that the world is not a safe place, and that children should not trust themselves to live in it without a parent or a guardian.

Having children is a balance of nurturing, separating and individuating. At different times in children’s’ lives, it is important to do more separating to allow the child to individuate. As the child gets older, there is more separating necessary for the child to become independent and to have good self-esteem.

Why helicopter parents are so prevalent today: 

Helicopter parents have come about because parents have children later than they used to. This means that they have fewer children, and they are more educated, academically. These parents read a lot about parenting and often forget about their own instincts and adhere to study results in order to parent. They put a lot of pressure on themselves and their children by trying to do everything right, and forgetting that doing what is right, is doing what is right for their individual child, and not necessarily doing what a study says they should do.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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