How Do I Chill Out?

Cutting Down the Things that Drive You Crazy

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

I am a 25-year-old woman who is about to suffer burnout. My days are packed -- work, classes, organizing social events for my friends, running errands for my parents. There are so many activities I'm interested in that I find myself trying to do it all, and I'm starting to worry that the consequences are going to be disastrous. How do I choose what's important and what's just eating up my time -- and my sanity?

Signed,

Busy Girl 

A:

Dear Busy Girl,

Here are a few tips and pieces of advice to keep you healthy — physically and emotionally:

1. See the big picture. Saying yes to volunteer situations, helping family members and taking on work projects may make you a hero in someone’s eyes for the moment, but what will happen when you can’t get everything done? You have a limited amount of waking hours. Keep in mind the best way to schedule your life. Include naps, down time, and meals that are eaten sitting — not standing over a sink.

2. Don’t say yes out of fear. What are you afraid will happen if you say no to taking on more? Many people say yes because they are afraid that someone may think less of them when they say no. Where’s your self-esteem on the ego thermometer today? Who are you really taking care of when you agree to do something? If it’s not you, then what pay off do you get by taking care of someone else beside yourself? Remember — if you have a husband, a boyfriend or children, whatever parts of yourself you give away to others, leaves less for your “family.” And the weaker your family is, the less you have to give to other people.

3. Practice saying no without judgment. No doesn’t have to mean, ‘I don’t like you,’ ‘I disrespect you,’ or ‘I think you’re an unattractive person.’ No can be a simple business decision. It can be a simple decision made about your metabolism and daily sleep needs. It can be a mature decision based on reality — rather than fantasy — or what you would like to be able to do, but as a mere mortal, can’t. Next time there’s a call for volunteers, sit on your hands, and don’t you dare raise them. See what it feels like, and try it again!

4. Consider your values. Do you believe that someone who does more work is more worthy than someone who does less work? Is someone who works “smart” and efficiently, more worthy than someone who would rather use a paper and typewriter instead of a computer because they like the old fashioned feel of the key action? Loosen up about your values, and watch the world open up to you!

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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