How to Ask for Assistance

Help Is On The Way?

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

I consider myself a strong, independent woman and don't need a lot of help from others. But occasionally something goes wrong that I don't know how to fix, like the other day when my garbage disposal broke. I thought about calling a neighbor or someone to come over and help but then I realized that I hate asking for help and don't really know how. I have this same problem at my job. There are a few people who are high above me who I'd love to ask to mentor me, but I feel so awkward and weak asking for help. Do you have any advice for me?

Sincerely,

Help Me Get Help

Dear Help Me Get Help,

There is no shame in asking others for help from time to time. Sometimes you face a project you just can't do on your own. And in work situations, asking others for help can often offer you the chance to learn and raise your own position.

Here are some tips for learning how to ask for help:

Mentoring: how to ask someone to mentor you:

Write them a letter, and ask the mentor for what you want in exactly the same tone and words you would want to hear if you were in their shoes. Also tell them why you want their help and what it is about them that you admire and what you hope to gain.

Asking a neighbor to help you fix something at home, like your garbage disposal:

Use the telephone. Call your neighbor rather than showing up at the front door and not giving them a chance to say no as easily, and ask for what it is you want. Be sure to be polite and include the caveat -- "if you're not too busy". If you don't have their phone number, then leave them a note on their door or in their mailbox. As a last resort, ask them in person.

And remember, neighbors are under no obligation to help you. They may not want as chummy a relationship as they think you do, and they can be perfectly good neighbors without fixing your garbage disposal or taking in your mail for you.

And if they do help you, don't forget to thank them with a nice note -- or better yet, some homemade cookies.

Asking a co-worker to help you with a project at work:

Send an e-mail or ask in person for this kind of help, and always preface it with, "If you're not too busy," and include "You're so good at this, I'd really love your help," as good manners.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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