How Youth Adopts Hurtful Language
By
Relationship Advice Expert April MasiniQ: Dear April Masini,
I make jokes to my husband and friends on the phone sometimes with my teenage daughter in the room. Like most jokes, they are often inappropriate, and sometimes contain sexist or racist language, but only of course meant in jest. I've taught my children the values of treating everyone with respect and how all people are equal, but do my off-hand comments have an impact on my daughter?
Sincerely,
Remorseful Remarks
A:
Dear Remorseful Remarks,
Teen girls repeat language that they hear. It's the way all language is learned.
They learn demeaning terms from other people who use them. They only repeat these terms when people that they respect use them. Sadly, the terms "ho" and "slut" among other terms that are as demeaning can be heard regularly and seen regularly on music videos and in rap videos. YouTube sent Michael Richards' use of the N word across the internet and the globe and African-American comedians who are very popular like Chris Rock and Jamie Foxx use the N word regularly -- and then go on to win and host The Oscars on national television.
The terms then get picked up by other women who want to be famous, rich, respected and attended to like the rappers and comedians and other entertainers who use these demeaning terms. And down the daisy chain, the words go until you and I can see and hear teen girls of all races calling each other "hos" and "sluts" on the internet, on Facebook, MySpace, blogs, e-mails, and in middle and high schools as well as in PTAs where mothers also proliferate this talk.
Words are powerful. There are laws against using certain words, phrases and statements. But beyond the law, the words are powerful enough to damage self-esteem temporarily or permanently.
Like with racist jokes or behavior, it's easy for all of us to make a difference with these denigrating words. If you hear someone using these words don't ignore them. Tell them, "I'd rather you use different words." Or you can say, "That word really makes me feel bad. Please don't use it." It's the only way to stop the spiral down.
The reason Imus was sanctioned was because his victim was limited and defensible. The Rutgers women's basketball team is not the entire nation of women. It is not a large geographic or minority group. It is a single basketball team. Easier to defend than all women or all blacks or all Jews or all anything. The basketball team is also innocent of any offense. They didn't heckle him. They didn't do anything questionable. This is an easy defense. And that's why the public is jumping on Imus. At the same time, Imus is easy to attack. He criticized the basketball women while on his job. This is a normal job -- he's not a comedian playing a one night stand where the worst the club can do is ban him. He's not a movie director who commands box office millions that he makes for producers and studio executives, providing jobs for below the line movie workers. He's one guy who CAN be sanctioned and fired. He made the right insult on the right group at the right time for that action.
April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas,
and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.
© 2004-2009 AskApril.com, LLC. All rights reserved. AskApril®, AskApril.com®, and Ask April® are registered trademarks owned by Masini Enterprises, Inc. This material can only be republished and redistributed if it is kept in it's original form, including, but not limited to, all AskApril branding, banners, links, books, and credits.
