Online Grieving

Technology Changed The Way We Grieve, Mourn and Express Loss

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

I recall in my day, when you had a huge tragedy, you had funerals, put up memorials, and watched specials about it on television. These days, the younger generation has whole online communities where they can come together and grieve. How are these communities changing the ways our society grieves?

Sincerely,

Grieving Online

A:

Dear Grieving Online,

Students live much of their lives online, and they will grieve online -- on MySpace, in e-mails, and on message boards. This is their cyber-community, and it makes sense that they will learn, date and connect online, just as they will grieve online. Traditionally people grieved among family and friends at wakes, funerals and memorial services. Now they grieve online. This hasn't put an end to in person grief. What it's done is given mourners a new place to grieve and to extend their grieving even after the wake is over, the funeral is over and the burial is done, online. For many people who have social anxiety about attending funerals, wakes and memorial services, online grieving gives them a place to be part of a community that they might not be able to access without actually leaving home.

The missing e-mail from the victims of the Virginia Tech shootings will be ghosts in cyber-space. The MySpace pages of the victims will be like the clothes closets of the victims -- haunted by the words and the clothes that identified these people before they were shot down and killed.

When people die, websites become places where teens, not familiar with funerals the way adults are, find solace, comfort, and a place to express grief, without letting anyone see their tears if they don't want. There is always criticism of technology, but in this case, it's an important way to express feelings that, unexpressed, could cause tragedy and trauma in addition to death of a loved one, neighbor or extended community member. 

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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