Parenting Advice

Tips to Make Mother / Daughter Shopping More Manageable

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Dating Tips and Advice

Q: Dear April Masini,

My daughter and I have always loved going shopping together, but lately it seems like we are having more and more arguments while at the mall. She constantly wants me to buy her clothing and other items that I just don't think are age appropriate for her. She wants to start wearing high heels (she's 10!), using makeup, and wearing t-shirts with crazy designs on them. I'm at my wits end and can't take another trip to the mall with her. I want to just go by myself, buy her the clothes I think she should be wearing, and have that be the end of it. Do you have any advice for how I can handle shopping with my daughter?

Sincerely,

You Cannot Wear That!

A:

Dear You Cannot Wear That!,

The shopping dynamic between a child and mom is crucial to their relationship. It's important for mom to be "the mom" and have the final say on what gets bought and what doesn't. It's also important for mom to guide her daughter and help her understand what's appropriate for school (no midriff baring clothes or too short skirts), what's appropriate for dress occasions (not jeans and not tee shirts) and other basic etiquette rules that involve fashion, appearance, and venue. Then there's the self-esteem that only mom can give her daughter by helping figure out what is flattering and what makes her look most beautiful. Even if you don't think so, the truth is that a mother's approval is crucial to a daughter's self-esteem.

Choose your battles:

And lastly, consider which battles to fight. If you don't want your ten year old wearing high heels, tell her no, but that when she turns 13 (or whatever age you feel is appropriate) she may knock herself out buying high heels. Deal-making like this is crucial in any relationship. Also, give in here and there. Let her win some battles. Consider why you are saying no. She needs to break away from you in order to separate, individuate and have her own identity which will help her have healthy relationship with you and others for the rest of her life. Is it really so bad if she picks a shirt with a crazy print? I'd say no. Let that one go.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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