Parents Teaching Kids

What are the Teaching Boundaries for Parents?

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Dating Tips and Advice

Q: Dear April Masini,

I am a piano teacher who has a roster of about 20 students. I'm also a concert pianist and have been playing piano for 30 years. I'm proud to say that my oldest daughter is following in my footsteps and is a very talented pianist as well. I have been giving her lessons for the past 10 years, since she was five-years-old.

The problem is, now that my daughter is entering her teen years, our relationship is becoming a bit more strained, as I'm sure most mothers and daughters' relationships are at this age. I've noticed she's not able to put that aside during lessons, and I'm starting to wonder if I should have a colleague start to teach her. I would hate to hurt my daughter or give up this time together, but I also want her to improve? What should I do?

Signed,

Stage Mom 

A:

Dear Stage Mom,

Boundaries are one of the great tools that can be taught and utilized in life. Knowing when to step in or step away from a child is more important than what it is you are trying to teach. 
There are no blanket rules for parents teaching advanced skills. However, if a teaching method is working, then there is no reason for a parent to step away. If the child is not learning or is showing signs of stress from the teaching, as your daughter seems to be, then it's time for the parent to allow a professional to come in and do the teaching. 

The level of skill of the parent is less important than the relationship dynamic and the teaching dynamic that exists between the parent and student. A teacher can be remarkably qualified, but not the right teacher for a particular student -- even if that student is a child and the teacher is the parent. 

Compatibility is a funny thing. Sometimes you find it where you least expected it, and sometimes you find it doesn't work where you did expect it.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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