Play Where They Want

One Mom Struggles with Drawing the Line in Discipline

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

My husband and I pride ourselves on raising our children in a fairly liberal way -- a way that we hope will eventually result in them being creative and independent adults. We try to let them play where they want and with what toys they want, decide what they want to eat when they are hungry, etc. We are trying to develop their sense of decision-making while at the same time, doing our job as parents to keep them safe.

Lately, though, my kids have gotten into a playtime activity that totally grosses me out! I keep coming into the kitchen and finding my three-year-old and my five-year-old with the trash can tipped over, picking through it. I don't know whether to let them be and assume it's a phase they will eventually grow out of, or to nix it, which is against my parenting instincts. Do you think it's OK to let them grow out of this on their own?

Signed,

Worried Mom 

A:

Dear Worried Mom,

It’s a shame when parents forget who’s running the household. Decades later, they wring their hands and wonder why their children turned out the way they did. They also wonder why their are no leaders in government and politics. It’s because they don’t take charge when they see something wrong.

Children should not play in the trash — let alone eat garbage. Forget all this creative nonsense — it’s not sanitary!

If you see your child playing in the trash, a simple, “No!” should suffice. Because they’re toddlers, sometimes you have to say it more than once. In fact, moving the trash so that children can’t get to it is a very wise idea. There are plenty of child-safety devices to make sure that kids stay away from trash, trash cans and other unsanitary and dangerous places and things. Buy some.

Rather than worrying about stunting a child’s spirit by stopping them from doing what they want (give me a break!), parents need to learn that their job in life is to love and raise their child. Raise their child means to socialize them so that they will understand how the world works, what is expected of them, and how to be happy in the world. Playing with trash and eating it is not acceptable.

By the age of 1 and 2, children are beginning to walk, talk, and they understand a lot. They are completely capable of being trained to play with toys, art supplies, and clean, appropriate odds and ends — not trash!

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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