Money Values: Conflicting Spending Habits

Learn When to Spend and When to Save, and How it Can Save Your Marriage

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

My husband's a saver and I'm a spender. Is our marriage doomed? I just love going out and shopping, even when I know I should be putting some money in the bank. He claims I need to stop and think before I buy something, I say that takes all the fun out of shopping and that he needs to let loose and have a little fun. We joked about it before, but now our differences in how we spend money are causing us to fight often. How can we learn to agree about our family's money?

Sincerely,

Spender Married to Saver

A:

Dear Spender Married to Saver, 

According to the New York Times, there appears to be a difference in the brains of people who save and people who shop till they drop. Consider your circumstances and your personal behavior in general, as well as any relationships you have that are affected by your shopping, when deciding if you should save or splurge on something.

Ask yourself:

*Can you live without it?

*If you buy it, what part of your life will improve, and what part will become worse?

*Are you in debt right now?

*Can you buy it at another time?

Then, consider your relationshipthat will be affected by your shopping:

Marriages break up for two reasons -- sex and money. If couples are responsible about these two things then they will have a good shot at a happy marriage.

Like lust, romance comes and goes, but running a relationship is the basis for stability that allows lust and romance to settle in and stay. A shaky basis makes lust and romance foreign acquaintances to marriage. Running a marriage means that money must be managed. There are many creative ways to structure your money management within a couple.

Here are a few ideas to manage money within a marriage:

1. Make all decisions equilaterally.

2. Delegate responsibility and communicate regularly.

3. Assign unilateral money management to one partner.

There is no right or wrong way to do this -- there are only ways that are compatible to yours and your spouse's personalities and others that are not suitable for you two as a couple.

And don't forget to take a break and spend some quality time together without constantly talking about money. Check out my book, Romantic Date Ideas, for some great date ideas ... many of which you can do for free!

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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