Financial Advice for Couples

Tax, Finance and Money Tips for Married Couples with Problems Budgeting Money

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

I have been married for a few months, and my new wife and I are having trouble merging our finances in our relationship. We have very different spending and saving habits (she will fritter money away on small purchases whereas I tend to save up for bigger things) and it's become a source of stress for us. We are also starting to think about buying a house and starting a family.

We know we can't live the way we did when we were single (it's the one thing we do agree on), but at the same time, we're not sure where to start coordinating our finances and how to stop our bad habits. Do you have any tips to help us handle our finances and stop the fights in our relationship?

Sincerely,

Newlywed 

A:

Dear Newlywed,

Marriages break up for two reasons — sex and money. If couples are responsible about these two things then they will have a good shot at a happy marriage.

Like lust, romance comes and goes, but running a relationship is the basis for stability that allows lust and romance to settle in and stay. A shaky basis makes lust and romance foreign acquaintances to marriage.

Running a marriage means that money must be managed. There are many creative ways to structure your money management within a couple.

Here are a few ideas:

1. Make all decisions equilaterally.

2. Delegate responsibility and communicate regularly and honestly.

3. Assign unilateral money management to one partner.

There is no right or wrong way to do this — there are only ways that are compatible to yours and your spouse’s personalities and others that are not suitable for you two as a couple.

GETTING A TAX REFUND?

Getting a tax refund should be good news — unless a couple has a history of imbalance in money management. Then, getting a refund can be a big source of stress.

Here’ a good plan for getting a refund:

1. Find out how much the refund is for.

2. Agree on a quiet, undisturbed time to sit down and decide what to do with the money. Much anxiety over money comes from one person in the relationship being afraid that the other person will spend the money without mutual consent. If it’s clear that there will be discussion and planning of what happens to the money, there will be ease between the couple.

3. Make a list of possible things to do with the money that include investing it, using it to pay off a debt, spending it, donating it to charity. Be specific. Think outside the box. Listen to each other pitch these ideas as to what to do with the money. Discuss the ideas without fighting or imposing judgment.

4. Make decisions about how to spend the money as one step in your financial life together. Use this discussion as a spring board about ways to handle other money issues in your life.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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