Housework and the Genders

Advice for Couples Who Battle Over Housework

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

Housework is the bane of my relationship. It divides my husband and I in so many ways -- in what we're capable of and what we think each other should be capable of. I think he needs to clean more but he simply refuses. He says he respects me but it's not his place. Are men inherently different from women?

Sincerely,

Woman's Woman 

A:

Dear Woman's Woman, 

While I'm not sure your husband's argument is sound, Vive Le Difference isn't just a trite saying. It works because it's true. Whenever equality between men and women becomes an issue, so does impending doom. Especially when children are involved -- because the difference between men and women becomes so blatant. Men can't get pregnant, they can't have babies, they can't nurse them, and the bond is different. Are they dispensable? No way! We love 'em. Just in their proper place!

Yes, men are doing more housework -- and more childcare as families attempt to attain equality between the sexes, and you don't have to be Einstein to see that it isn't working. One glance at the divorce rate and it's clear something's wrong. Well, this is part of the problem.

The only time men doing housework on an equal basis with women works, is when a couple lives together without children and both have equivalent jobs -- in which case they probably don't make that much of a mess, and can afford a regular housekeeper. It's when kids come, and the house is a wreck, no one's slept enough, had enough sex or gotten to the dishes on a regular basis -- let alone the laundry -- that equality in housework among other things flies out the window at rocket speed.

While it's still chivalrous for a spouse to do the dishes if the wife cooks up a sumptuous meal for two, the truth is the best marital aid any couple can have doesn't come with batteries -- it's a regular housekeeper.

If you insist on sharing the chores, at least delegate -- don't trade off the same chores weekly or split the same chores down the middle.

Here are some ideas for splitting chores:

-- Let him do any physical work.

-- Let her do any tedious work, detail oriented work.

-- Leave balancing the checkbook to whomever is better at math.

-- Let her do any work that requires small motor coordination and manual dexterity -- like folding laundry mending clothes.

-- Leave the food shopping to whoever cooks -- unless the other one is good at shopping from a list.

-- Leave anything that resembles washing a car to him. This includes washing up in the kitchen, or hosing down the porch.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

© 2004-2009 AskApril.com, LLC. All rights reserved. AskApril®, AskApril.com®, and Ask April® are registered trademarks owned by Masini Enterprises, Inc. This material can only be republished and redistributed if it is kept in it's original form, including, but not limited to, all AskApril branding, banners, links, books, and credits.