Relationship Advice - Tips for Stress Free Remodeling

Advice and Tips for How to Avoid Letting House Renovations Change Your Relationship

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

My husband and I recently decided to remodel our home. We knew it would be a huge undertaking, but didn't count on it totally turning our lives upside down! There are constantly strangers in the house, we come in and a wall is down...the other day I walked out of my bathroom in towel and there was a construction worker right there!

Needless to say we're both frustrated and unnerved. Our plans extend for another two months, and it's not like we can just decide to stop -- we're missing walls! We're fighting over every detail of the remodeling and it feels like we'll never be done. Do you have any advice for turning this into a livable situation and keeping our relationship in tact?

Signed,

Reluctant Remodeler 

A:

Dear Reluctant Remodeler,

Remodeling a home can be a very stressful drain on a relationship — especially a marriage. But there are things that a couple can do to prevent fights and break ups due to remodeling stress.

1. Keep the big picture in mind. Strange workers in your house at all hours. You can’t find anything because the place is in disarray from the remodel. There’s sawdust and dust and paint fumes all over. This is supposed to be your respite, but instead, your home looks like a war zone. How can you keep the big picture in mind? Get out of the house. Go out to dinner. If that isn’t enough to jog you out of your rut, go to a party at a friend’s house. No invitations? Invite yourself to a good friend’s house for dinner. Bring the food or a gift if you feel that guilty. Sleep over a friends’ house. Make it a pajama party. Go to a cheap hotel — or an expensive hotel.

2. Set your expectations appropriately. Remember that while you are perfect (ahem), others are not, and you have to understand that when you hire workers, you are giving up control and some of the work will not happen as quickly or perhaps, up to the standards you had envisioned. On the other hand, you may be lucky, and things may go ahead of schedule, under budget, and beyond your wildest dreams in terms of quality, but more likely, you’ll have to lower your expectations here and there. This can be especially hard for control freaks, or those who are not used to working on teams. One of the best ways to get your head out of perfection-land is to take in some team sporting events. Go to a ball game. A hockey game. A football game. Think about the winning team and the losing team and the competition. And have a little fun while you’re there.

3. Misery loves company. It helps to befriend others who have walked in your shoes. Have dinner with other married couples who have been through remodeling projects and lived to tell about them. They may have tricks and tips that you haven’t thought of, and they may help you see around corners that feel like dead ends.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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