Remove Silver Spoon

How NOT to Spoil Your Kids!

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

I'm pregnant and my husband and I have been having a lot of conversations about how we are going to raise our child. Both of us have noticed that many of our peers and their children have a sense of entitlement like none we have ever seen. I can't tell whether it's the parents doing or if the kids are picking it up from the world around them -- a force larger than us. We've been having lots of arguments about the best way to prevent our kids from being spoiled. But first, we need to know where all this spoiling comes from. Can you help us?

Sincerely,

Humble Beginnings 

A:

Dear Humble Beginnings,

Kids imitate what they see. If what they see is behavior that exudes entitlement and narcissism, then, in most cases, that's what they're going to adopt. People learn what their environment shows them.  Gen X and Gen Y did not spring out of immaculate conceptions. They behave the way they do because they've been influenced by their upbringing and their communities (local and global). 

If parents want to change their childrens' attitude of entitlement and narcissism, they need only model generosity, responsibility, work ethic and values that they want their children to learn. That's half the battle -- and sometimes more than half. Of course, it's hard to start doing that after the "damage" of previous behaviors has already been done. If your child is 15 and you suddenly start changing your own behavior in an attempt to change your child's, you're probably too late for major change or any change in your child. Kids start modeling their parents' behavior very early. 

As for the community behavior, you have to let your child live in the world and learn socialization. This can be a scary proposition today because sex sells, morals limp along and terrorism holds a place in our world. But parents have no choice. Kids become teens, their hormones start boiling, they start separating from parents and becoming their own people. If you've done your work by being the best person you can be, you've done all you can to contribute to the world -- through your children and otherwise.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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