Self R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Learn Self-Respect So You Can Respect Others and Raise Your Children to be Humble and Confident Adults.

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

I've been hearing so much news lately about parents raising narcissistic, self-involved kids. I want my kids to grow up as self-confident yet humble members of society. My kids are great and they seem to appreciate everything I have, but sometimes I think they feel entitled. I don't want them to turn into narcissistic kids. Where do I even begin?

Sincerely,

Confident and Humble

Dear Confident and Humble,

The way to teach children to be humble is to teach them respect and self-respect. If you can teach this, or raise children with these values, you will have conquered any problems or issues with self-esteem, humility, humble-ness, bragging, etc.

Respect is hard to teach because by the time people realize that they want it, they’ve grown up without it. It’s not impossible to learn, but the reason that most people who don’t have it have grown up without it is because the people around them have not had it.

Respect and self-respect are behavior cousins. Most people respect other people before they respect themselves. This does not account for narcissists.

To gain self-respect, follow these rules:

1. Know how you feel at all times. This sounds A LOT easier than it is. Check in on yourself and see how you’re feeling regularly. By a certain age, many people are so used to feeling uncomfortable or badly, that these feelings become normal. You have to know when something doesn’t feel right in order to stop it.

If people grow up with abuse, they come to be used to it. It’s normal for them. If you grew up without self respect, you’re not going to recognize it every time you see it or feel it. Likewise, you’re not going to recognize the feeling of lack of self-respect when you feel it.

2. Practice saying no. If something doesn’t feel right, allow yourself not to do it, or be in a situation with a person who makes you feel that way. This is a new experience for many women.

3. Start to recognize other people who respect themselves, and tend toward them. You’ll learn a lot from them and feel better about yourself — not at first, but after a while — from being in their presence.

4. Once you learn to respect yourself, you’ll understand what empathy and compassion are. Start practicing empathy and compassion for other people. Don’t always react. Stand back, assess a situation and then act or don’t act, as appropriate.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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