Sticky Esteem Situation

Encouraging Your Teen to Buck the Body Image Trend

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

I am the mother of a 15-year-old girl who believes she is fat. She's not! While she is not stick-skinny, she is of a healthy weight, and I want her to feel that way. I'm concerned that she will develop an eating disorder or become depressed about something that is not even a real problem! How do I help her?

Signed,

No Supermodels Here

Dear No Supermodels Here,

Fashion -- whether it's beauty or clothing -- has its pendulum that swings back and forth, and as a result of the backlash to "too skinny" models and actresses, there is now a public embracing of full figured models and actresses. There is a natural instinct for women to look to "alpha" women to lead them and show them what is fashionable or right. This happens when women don't have the self esteem to decide for themselves what is right for themselves. The advertising, fashion and other industries have used this instinct for women to look for leaders in fashion and beauty to promote and sell products.

Here's the good news for your daughter: The new trend is full figured. In 10 years, it will be something else -- no doubt.

While there are plenty of skinny models and actresses, the models and actresses who are full figured are gaining an opportunity to be the poster girls and the it girls for this new trend. Among them are Scarlett Johansen, Jennifer Hudson, Salma Hayek and Ugly Betty's America Ferrera.

When the pendulum swings back, whoever happens to be in the modeling and acting arena at that time, and has the body image that is in fashion, will also have the opportunity to ride the publicity that comes with trends.

Healthy body images are hard to come by these days. In fact, the idea of a healthy body is in flux. Studies come out about as fast as we can read them telling us what to do, what not to do, and how to live for a better body. Often these studies contradict each other. In addition, the plastic surgery industry has thrown body image on it's head. Doctors, once the image of health captains, are now saying it's okay to change your breasts, change your tummy, change your nose -- and not only is it okay, they're promoting these changes, if not advertising, then by leaving brochures in examining rooms and televising these surgeries in a glorified and glamorized way, which promotes their business as well.

In addition, Abercrombie and Fitch was selling so many thongs with slogans like “wink, wink” and “eye candy” written across their crotch to 7 year olds that there is an online petition to stop them from doing so. The online petition has been signed by 1,500 people. Since 2000 Abercrombie and Fitch’s “magalog,” (a term referred to their catalogue that looks like a magazine) was boycotted by citizens who called it pornographic, and used their clothes to young people, by using sex. Their “blue” catalog has been under attack from the National Coalition for the protection of Children & Families.

Clearly, kids need guidance, and most adults who are there to guide them, need the guidance themselves.

Here are some tips to promoting healthy body images for your teens:

1. Get okay with your own body. Your child is going to look to you first, and has been doing so for a long time, as a role model, whether they admit it or not. If you're plagued with your body, then there is a good chance your teen will not be at peace with their body, too.

2. Understand the connection between mind and body. If a teen is anxious or stressed, they will get less sleep, eat differently (and not as well), exercise less, get cranky, have fights with people, and repeat the cycle. This is not good for the body, the mind or the spirit, and they will all fail. Help teens break bad cycles of living for a better body.

3. Do not criticize your teen's body ever. Even when you think you're not criticizing, statements like, "You'd really look great if you lost a few pounds," can do enormous amounts of damage. The goal should be to make your teen feel at peace with their body -- in it's transitioning size and shape.

4. Do heap on positive messages. Some are, "You look great." Or, "I'm so proud of you -- look how terrific you look!" Do this on a regular basis.

5. Don't limit your teen's food. Instead offer healthy options. If you stock your house with sugary treats and sodas, you are in cahoots with your teen's body issues. If you stock your house with fresh fruits, berries, yogurts, water bottles, baked not fried chips and sandwich fixings, as well as frozen healthy food in small portions, like individual pizzas, teriyaki chicken and rice bowls and burritos that growing teens can microwave and eat on their own, you're giving your teen the basis for a healthy body and a healthy body image.

6. Don't criticize other people's bodies. In fact, compliment them. Without realizing, you may be calling television characters fat -- or just saying, "Ugh" when you see a particular person who's appearance you dislike. Watch it. Your teen may think they look like that person, and may take the insult to heart. They may also start imitating you by criticizing people they see -- and before they know it, they will be criticized by their peers. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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