Take Your Own Advice

Why People Tell Those Who are Ill to Live Life to the Fullest

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

One of my good friends just learned she has cancer. Every time she tells someone, it seems like they give her the same advice, "Live life to the fullest." It's really starting to annoy her; like she should start living life to the fullest now that she'll be going in to get chemo treatments every week? Why do people feel the need to give this advice?

Sincerely,

Living Life

A:

Dear Living Life,

The interesting thing about someone telling a person with cancer to live life to the fullest is not the person with cancer, but the person who is advising the cancer patient. The advice has a lot more to do with the advisor than it does with the cancer patient.

People see themselves in the people around them. If someone smiles at you, you feel friendly. If someone wolf whistles at you, you feel attractive -- or scared of the fact that you're considered attractive. If someone gives you the finger you feel assaulted. We are all mirrors for each other.

When someone has cancer we may see in them mortality, and by telling them to live life to the fullest, we're really telling ourselves -- not the cancer patient. We're saying "I better live life to the fullest because that could be me! I could be the one with cancer who's life is on the line, so I better do what I'm supposed to do because I'm scared of dying."

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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