Tattoo Taboo?

Issues to Consider When Thinking About Body Art

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

I'm in my 20s and I am thinking about getting a small, meaningful tattoo that is relatively hidden (although possibly showing during the summertime). My mom is completely flipping out. While I am an adult capable of making my own decisions, I still don't like upsetting her like this. Plus, I know that a lot of it can be solved. She thinks that people will think the tattoo is trashy, that I will eventually regret it, and that I will be encouraging my nieces and nephews, who are in middle school, to think about getting one too.

Can you help me help her chill out?

Sincerely,

Thinking About Ink 

A:

Dear Thinking About Ink,

Tattoos and piercings are not news. In fact they are ancient practices, as is make up. However, tattoos have enjoyed a renaissance as of late. So, it's no surprise that a recent study reflects this trend. What people choose to tattoo and where they choose to tattoo is an expression of their feelings about their self. It's not a surprise that there are conflicts between family members and partners in a relationship over tattoos. In fact, some religions and cultures (and parents!) do not approve of tattoos. 

Some common conflicts and their solutions:

* Culture clash. Some people feel that tattoos are a lower socio-economic class way of expression. In fact, many inmates in prisons have tattoos. One partner or family member may feel that if someone in the relationship or family has a tattoo, they are reflecting a lower economic status on the couple and/or the family. 

Solution: Accepting differences is what makes relationships work. One person in the couple or the relationship may want to be a banker and wear pearls while another person in the relationship may want to write poems and drive a Harley. Making room for differences in a relationship requires both people to understand what about the tattoo bothers them, and how it makes them feel. In addition, they need to strengthen their own identity within the relationship in order to feel okay with their partner's different identity. Being in a relationship is about balancing your own identity with your identity as part of a couple. 

* Commitment issues. Tattoos are often an expression of feeling for someone. For instance many men or women will tattoo the name of their loved one on some part of their body, the same way some men tattoo "Mother" on their body to honor their mom. The problem is that the other person in the relationship may be uncertain about the permanence of the relationship and may be nervous about their partner taking that step to tattoo their name on their body. 

Solution: There's always laser removal! It's normal to be anxious about the longevity of relationships -- especially with divorce rates soaring. And feelings about people change, while tattoos are (relatively) permanent. But you can't control everything, so live in the moment. There are doctors who will remove letters, words or images that you do have tattooed, if you no longer want the tattoo. 

* Setting an example. Many adults would love to have a tattoo because it makes them feel young and sexy -- but they don't want their children to get them. Therefore, it's a conflict. 

Solution: Fifty is the new 40, and 40 is the new 30. However, while adults are getting younger every year, teens are getting older every minute, and if you do have children, you do have to set an example -- or set limits. If you want a tattoo, but you don't want your children to have one, then you have to tell them as long as they are minors, they may not get a tattoo. When they are legal adults, the decision and the responsibility is theirs at that time. Until then, you're the boss -- even if you look younger than a boss may look!

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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