Terrible Twos Rescue

Tips For How Parents Can Deal With The Terrible Twos

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

My toddler is about to turn two. Ahhh help me! I've heard so much about the terrible twos and I can see them starting already in my son. He's already beginning to tell me "no," about fifty times a day. How I can my husband and I get safely through our son's terrible twos without going absolutely crazy?

Sincerely,

Terrified By a Two-Year-Old

Dear Terrified By a Two-Year-Old

There's a reason that parents dread "The Terrible Twos". This is the time when children who are developmentally on track with the norm start saying, "No." Over and over and over and over. It's an important milestone, although it's not too pleasant for parents who aren't prepared. Suddenly adorable little babies are walking around and telling you they're not going to do what you tell them to do.

The best way for parents to deal with this very normal, developmental stage is:

* Accept that it's normal, and that this is what your toddler is supposed to be doing. If a parent thinks that there is something wrong with his or her child, they're going to be angry AND upset. But accepting what is actually a success in your child's life -- hitting that milestone, is cause for celebration.

* People who live in snowy weather climates prepare for winter in different ways. Well if you have a two year old, prepare for tantrums. These are expressions of a toddler's conflicting feelings and they are normal and unpleasant. Buckle up the same way you do when you know a blizzard is coming.

* Choose your battles. There are times when your child telling you no is a way for them to express themselves, and for you to show them how to be flexible and compromising as a parent. There are other times when their "No," just won't fly, and you have to tow the line. Never hit your child. Try not to lose your temper. Using "time out" is an acceptable way for your to socialize your child to societal norms.

* Use time out. Tell your child during a calm period that if they do not cooperate in the future, you will give them one warning that a time out is coming if they don't do what they're told, and then give them a time out. Time out is a reasonable amount of time that your child has to stay in their room in order to get a break from the conflict. Two to five minutes is appropriate depending on the age of the child and their natural attention span. Do not use time out as a punishment, but rather as a consequence of behavior. If you do this, then this will happen. You may need to put a hook and eye lock on your child's door so that they don't come out. You will have to be consistent with this behavior of socializing your child in order for it to work.

* Do your job. If you don't socialize your child, at age three, when most children start pre-school, they will have a rough time being socialized by their teachers, in public. By doing the hard work as a parent, you insure your child a sense of confidence and self esteem when they hear about rules and consequences for bad behavior in school, and when they see teachers giving time outs, they'll understand what it's about.

And don't forget to hire a babysitter once a week so you and your spouse can go out for dinner and decompress from your child's terrible twos!

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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