They're Special Too!

Tips for Helping Your Child Adjust to Having a Sibling with Special Needs.

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

My husband and I just found out our two-year-old son is autistic. We're working very hard and taking a lot of time to help him learn basics that would be easy for most other toddlers his age. We're worried about the effect this is having on his older brother, our six-year-old son. He's very helpful and understanding, but we sometimes worry that he feels left out and is resentful that his brother isn't "normal." Often when we try to talk about it, our older son doesn't want to. Do you have any advice for us?

Sincerely,

Special Needs For Special Kids

A:

Dear Special Needs For Special Kids, 

There's no question about it -- when a child has a new sibling, the spotlight is suddenly shared. And when the new sibling has special needs, the spotlight is focused much more on the child with the special needs, and away from the sibling. This can have a temporary, long-term and/or permanent affect on the child, depending on the situation and the way it is handled by parents.

Here are some tips for getting through this challenge:

* Don't beat yourself up. Try and let go of any blame. Whether you blame yourself, your spouse, or your well child for not being sick, it's best if you can let go of all blame and guilt. Whatever blame, guilt, and negative feelings and energy that are not necessary, and that you heap onto the situation, will affect everyone, including the sibling/s of the child with special needs, for the worse.

* Spend special time on a regular basis, if possible, with your child who is the sibling of the special needs child. Go to a movie, for an ice cream, or a walk in the park. Throw a baseball around or do some origami with that child. This is very, very important.

* Understand that the sibling of the child with special needs may have some feelings that you are not aware of. For instance, the child without the special needs may hate and blame the special needs sibling for taking away the parental attention the sibling without special needs once got. The child without special needs may also blame themselves for the bad news.

* Make friends -- and go out of your way to do this -- with other families like yours. That is, families that have both special needs and non-special needs children in the same family. Get together on a regular basis, so that none of you feel like you're the only ones in this spot.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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