Tips for Relationships With Money Descrepancies

Dealing With Friends Who Have Money and Want to Spend It While You're Trying to Save

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

I love my best friend, but she doesn't seem to understand that I am living on a strict budget, working a low-paying job and trying to pay my loans back. I can barely pay my sky-high rent, and definitely can't buy designer duds. My friend wants to go out shopping and to dinners at expensive restaurants every weekend. She doesn't seem to get that I can't spend $12 on a drink! When I try to tell her this, she just says she'll foot the bill. But I don't want to be a mooch; I just want her to understand I can't live the same lifestyle she lives. How can I clue her in without embarrassing myself and looking like a cheapskate?

Sincerely,

Friends with Money

A:

Dear Friends with Money, 

It can be awkward when you and your friends have completely different financial situations, but discrepancies in income are only sticky if one person in the relationship is embarrassed or lying about their funds. The best way to be friends with anyone is to be honest. If you’re different sizes, different races, different religions or from different socio-economic brackets, the best way to be friends or have a relationship is to acknowledge your differences and your similarities. Your relationship will be built on your similarities and compatibilities. Your differences will make your relationship interesting.

Tips for relationships with money discrepancies:

1. It is perfectly fine for the wealthier friend to treat the less-than wealthy friend. It is also okay for the less than wealthy friend to do something in return that has nothing to do with money. For example, if the less than wealthy friend is a better cook, driver or flirt — they can drive, cook, and arrange dates or parties in return. There is always a reason that two people are in a relationship, and money is rarely the breaking point or the sticking point. Find out where you connect.

2. If your less than wealthy friend is expecting you to foot the bill or taking advantage of your footing the bill, then start doing things that don’t cost money. If your friend asks why you’re no longer eating out at fancy restaurants, be honest. Say, “I adore you, but I feel weird always paying. I’d rather do stuff with you where money’s not involved.”

3. If you don’t have as much money as your friend, it’s perfectly fine to say, “Sorry, I can’t go shopping — I just don’t have the money to spend this month.” If you had the flu, you wouldn’t go skiing. Treat your money situation the same way. If you want to see your friend without spending money, say so. “Can we have coffee at my place?” is a great idea. “Can we watch our favorite TV show at my place instead?” is another great idea. And if your friendship is based on money, then find another friend.

4. If you just had the salad, and everyone else had cocktails, appetizers, entrees, desserts, and coffee, you can definitely speak up when the bill comes to be split. Say, “Does anyone mind if I just kick in for my little old salad?” You can even make a joke about it, like, “Steaks and lobster at my house tomorrow night!” Your friends will appreciate that it’s not a “heavy” topic for you.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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