When She's Expecting

What to Do and Say to Keep Your Pregnant Wife Happy

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

My wife is pregnant! It's great news and we're very excited. She is just beginning to show, however, and is getting very emotional. I'm totally unprepared for this; not only do I have no idea what to do and say (is, "No honey, you're not gaining weight," really the correct response for a woman who is carrying another human being inside her?), but I also have no idea what to expect out of the next few months.

Let me be honest: I'm afraid. Very, very afraid. I've seen pregnant women (sisters-in-law, friends, etc.) range from lovely and glowing to hormonal and sullen. Can you tell me what to expect from the rest of her pregnancy and, more importantly, how to keep her happy?

Sincerely,

Dad to Be 

A:

Dear Dad to Be,

Congratulations on your wife's pregnancy! You're very astute to recognize that all women have different experiences with pregnancy. Some of the stuff is what you'd expect--obviously, weight gain can cause insecurity, you've heard about the food cravings, and some pregnant women cry at the drop of a hat. But there are some surprising aspects to pregnancy, including an increase in sexual appetite!

Many pregnant women feel a surge of sexuality in their pregnancy — especially in the second trimester, when morning sickness usually subsides or ends. Those women who revel in what their bodies have done, and enjoy the changes — including the bonus of bigger breasts — will naturally feel sexier than usual. In many ways the new body is like getting new clothes to wear for a change. When women feel sexy like this, most men will respond in kind.

Of course, there are those women who equate pregnancy with just being fat. They often feel less than sexy and compare themselves to their old body or other women with svelte, non-pregnant figures.

Things that men can do to encourage their wives to feel sexy during pregnancy, no matter how their wives are feeling about their body, are:

1. Don’t criticize her weight gain. Ever.
2. If she criticizes her own weight gain, reassure her that she is making a beautiful sacrifice for your child and for your family by carrying this child and taking such good care of her body, and the baby’s.
3. Take her clothes shopping and ogle! There are wonderful maternity clothing stores now that carry clothes that are pretty, flattering and even sexy. Take her lingerie shopping for bigger bras! You can even hit Frederick’s or Victoria’s for sexy bras, and if she’s comfortable with it, undies that ride below her belly.
4. Experiment with sex. If she’s nervous about sex and the pregnancy, go slow with her and try new positions and techniques. In the third trimester, the missionary position may not be comfortable or feasible any more, so try positions like sideways and from behind — or other sex acts that may or may not include intercourse.
5. Enhance your romance and sexuality by remind her how womanly she is in this state, and cherish it because it is temporary.
6. Hire a boudoir photographer to take sexy photos of her naked and pregnant. Or do it yourself.

Check out my book Romantic Date Ideas for tips on keeping your relationship fresh and intimate, important things to remember as you get ready to bring your first child into the world!

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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