Words Can Hurt Too!

Where's The Line Between Kidding Around and Being Hurtful...?

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Dating Tips and Advice

Q: Dear April Masini,

Teenagers seem to have a language of their own nowadays and I seem to be out of the loop. My son says it's okay to use derogatory terms in normal conversations with his friends because they don't mean any harm by it. Is that true or should we all still be careful about the words we utter? Even on television, and hip-hop songs, I hear these derogatory remarks constantly. If no one else has a problem with it, why should I right?

Sincerely,

Wordy Madam

A:

Dear Wordy Madam,

Words have a lot of power. The pen is mightier than the sword and this has never been more true because the pen has further reach than ever before because of technology and the keyboard!

That said, it is important to be very careful with your words. It’s very easy to communicate now. The message becomes more important than ever. The N word originally used as a slur on African Americans, meant to demean them. Over time, many African Americans, mostly artists, have taken back the power of the word by re-claiming it. By calling each other the N word, they diluted the power of the word that was once only uttered by people who meant to separate out African Americans by their skin color, and demean them. By using the words themselves, they’ve taken the exclusivity away from non-African Americans who were using the word as a hurtful slur. By using the word as an affectionate or common term among themselves, African Americans furthered diluted the negative power of the word. In fact, they gave it their own special power as a word that they could use among themselves with a positive effect, as opposed to a negative effect.

However … the word still carries some negativity because of it’s origin. Many ethnic groups and religious groups as well as women, at one time also considered property, have similar words that were originated to keep them as lower class. The words have been taken over by many of the groups once meant to be the victims of the words, but the origins still sting, and these words should not be used lightly or casually. In fact, I would recommend not using words that historically held people down. There are so many other adjectives and nouns that are positive, it is much more productive to choose something that has only positive meaning.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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