Working Mothers - Balancing Work and Family

Redefining the Work-Family Balance AB (after Baby) for Women

By
Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Q: Dear April Masini,

I am a 27-year-old woman and I just got a huge promotion at work. A week later, I found out I am pregnant. 

I was raised believing that a successful career, kids and marriage were all mine for the taking, and I've worked hard to have everything I wanted. Still, I look at the hours I am working, particularly in my new position, and I'm finding it nearly impossible to believe that I could raise a healthy and happy child while living a life like this. My husband's job is equally time-consuming.

How do I achieve that perfect work-life balance I've been told is out there waiting for me? I'm at a total loss.

Signed,

Working Mom-to-Be     

A:

Dear Working Mom-to-Be,

Congratulations on both your pregnancy and your promotion. These are huge moments in most people's lives, but the fact that they are both happening to you at once probably dramatizes a reality about women and the work-life balance that is starting to come into view -- the ideals that were set forth for women in the workforce today are, essentially, impossible to achieve. Instead of looking for ways to have everything you want, you should consider re-framing your perspective of what "having it all" actually means.

Women are finding their real value and worth — and dealing with the fact that it isn’t always compensated monetarily. The backlash to the “you can have it all” rhetoric that the Feminist Movement fed women — like day old sushi — is not sitting so well with women, now.

The New Work-Life Balance

Women who want careers can have them. Women who want children can understand that it is extremely difficult to have both. No longer do women feel that they have to do everything and do it perfectly. In fact, they are realizing that to do things perfectly, they need to do less. That’s why they’re dropping out — and setting boundaries. They’re learning to say no. The effect this will have on marriages depends on expectations.

If your husband married you expecting you to bear children and have careers, he may be in for disappointment – that he can get over or not. If he expected you to raise the children and run the household, then he will be buoyed by this New Feminism.

Making a Choice 

Should you choose to leave your job or take a new and less demanding position in order to spend time with your child, you may be in for some growing pains. You may find that child-rearing is not all that. In fact, it can be particularly grueling, if not downright horrific. But the great thing is that, as a woman, you have options. You may drop out of the child-rearing track and hire women who are better suited to raising children in the form of nannies, day care or even mothers and mothers in law. But you may be just fine with staying home and running the household without a career.

The Effects on the Working World 

As for the economy, things will change as a result of this new dynamic. There will be more pressure on men to earn livings as sole providers for households. There will be a boost in the education of children who benefit from having a mother at home to oversee and raise them. This will have a long-term positive effect on the economy. There will be less pressure on children to become adults too quickly. There will be more pressure on the economy to provide less expensive lifestyle means — cheaper housing, food, clothing and expendable goods because the lack of double incomes will force the need for less expensive durable goods. My book, Think & Date Like A Man, will help women through these trying decisions, and help them decide how they want to spend their time and with whom.

April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.

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