Behavior: Why Do I Feel So Angry?

Anger affects intimate and family relationships negatively when it is expressed as violence or when it is not expressed. In between those two extremes are lots of healthy ways to express anger. Anger is usually a secondary emotion masking fear of losing something or losing control. Most people expressing anger are not aware that their expression is a secondary emotion. Getting in touch with the reason behind the anger can help to alleviate strong feelings and to alleviate the fear that sparks the anger. What is left, is then saddness.

Saddness is a difficult behavior for active people to have because there is not a lot to “do” with it in terms of expression. Anger is easy to express because angry people can hit things, kick walls, yell or speak harshly to “get out” their feelings. Sad people have to own their feelings.

Anger distributes the feelings to others, which can be hurtful and harmful. Especially when the people who are receiving the negativity associated with the expressed anger don’t know the reason for the fear that is behind the anger. If they did, they could maybe circumvent the anger by bringing up the real issues. But most times the object of the anger is not “in on” the source of the feelings. Especially when the object of the anger is a child.