Relationships: Surviving a Relationship Breakup

Breakups can affect people deeply and the breakup of a relationship like a marriage or a long term, monogamous relationship can be as wrenching, emotionally, as a death.  There are ways, however, to make the breakup less traumatic, below:

1. Grieve. Allow yourself a good cry — and a good series of cries. Allow yourself to wallow. Vent your sadness and your anger in healthy ways with safe people. Trying to keep “a stiff upper lip” isn’t always the best advice for everyone.

2. Vent in healthy ways. While venting is a good idea — you have to do it with the right people. Your boss, your neighbors, your old boyfriends and girlfriends and their parents are NOT the right people to vent to. A therapist, a best friend or a close relative — are all appropriate people to talk and cry to.

3. Depression is real. If you find yourself losing or gaining a lot of weight suddenly, or you can’t get out of bed after more than a few days, call your physician.

4. Focus on you. Focus on what makes you feel good. This may be hard to do at this time, but if it’s shopping, a massage, eating chocolate, seeing your mother or your best friend from college — indulge yourself. Exercise is a wonderful natural depression fighter. Jog, lift weights, do yoga — or whatever works for you.

5. Focus on people with problems worse than yours. Volunteer at an AIDS clinic. Donate your time at a pediatric cancer clinic. What happened to you is awful and hurtful, but you have the rest of your life to enjoy and love people.