Relationships: Women (Still) Alone in Midlife

Why are so many single women — either divorced, widowed or never married — in the middle section of their lives, wondering how they got this way?

The Widowed Woman
Women alone in middle age because they are widowed, are just circumstantial singles. There was nothing that they did or didn’t do to make them single at this time.

The Divorced Woman
Women alone in middle age because they are divorced are more single for more complicated reasons:

a) Women who are left by their husbands may see themselves as victims, but that’s just one way to spin things. A more realistic view, and a more helpful view to take is to acknowledge their responsibility in the divorce and figure out why they chose someone who turned out to be the way he did, and what they, as women, have learned about themselves from the process of the divorce.

– Many of these women learn that they are happier and/or more content as singles than as parts of a couple.

– Others of these women are still in the process of figuring out what it is that they want in a partner, if a partner is what they want.

– And still others are still making mistakes and having trouble being a relationship if that is what they want.

b) Women who have left their husbands may be happier as singles or they may be happier at the moment as singles. Some of them want to be part of a couple, but are still figuring out what it is that they want in a partner now. And still others want to be in a couple, but are making mistakes (new and old mistakes!) that keep them from being in a long-lasting couple.

The Still Single Woman

There are lots of reasons that women in midlife are still single, starting with:

*They choose not to be in a relationship
* They don’t know how to make a relationship work
* They have a clinical fear or other psychological reason that they can’t be in a relationship
* They have health problems that keep them from wanting to commit
* They have a consuming job that keeps them from having the time to be in a relationship
* They are single mothers who don’t have enough time to be in a relationship
* They have family obligations with elderly parents or other relatives that keep them from having the time for other relationships