Dating: First Date Do’s and Dont’s

First dates can be ignitable or real duds — and the trick is that sometimes the ignitable first dates fizzle out and fade away while the real duds just take longer to get going and slowly boil. Here are some tips to make first date conversations get you where you want to go — learning about your date and having fun doing it.

DO:

1. Ask what you want to know. Why bother with superficial questions that riff on that old standby, “What’s your major?” If you know what you want in a relationship then you won’t waste time on a first date or a first date conversation.

2. Tell the truth, but don’t give your entire unedited autobiography during dinner. The idea is to go back and forth in a conversation. Be aware of who’s doing most of the talking. If it’s you, stop and ask some questions.

3. Relax. It’s great to want to impress someone, but if you spend the entire date on your Christmas dinner behavior, you’ll have kept “the real you” from them, and maybe even vice versa!

DON’T:

1. Don’t focus too much on talk about what “your type” is, and why you’ve been unsuccessful up to now. By describing your type, you may be insulting your date — besides which, if you’re so sure of your type, why are you out on a first date?

2. Don’t be rude or use questionable manners. Don’t say, “Shut up,” “Get out,” or any other playful put down — and don’t curse. Learn to communicate without these crutches.

3. Don’t start asking your date to commit to a party in August, a weekend in September, and meeting your friends at Christmas — on the first date. Even if you like this other person a lot, stay cool. Don’t play all your cards at once, and don’t make commitments so far in advance on a first — or second — date.