Relationship Advice for Women: Things to Consider Before Shacking Up

Your Co-habitation Checklist

Living together is a big deal — if it doesn’t work out you can’t just pick up and leave. You have to hire movers! So do some homework before you commit to co-habitating.

Eight Tips and Specifics To Focus On Before Calling U-Haul

1) Meet his family. More than once. Do your research. Any mental illness? Alcoholism? Anything else that you might want to know?

2) Meet his friends. Anyone ever arrested?

3) Figure out who’s going to clean what — and if you can afford a housekeeper how often she will come. (Forget sex, a housekeeper can be the best marital aid next to separate bathrooms.)

4) If children are involved, sync up your custody schedules as best you can.

5) Meet his or her ex. Make sure there are no restraining orders or other psycho secrets in the divorce closet.

6) Figure out who’s going to pay for what. Who’s going to write the checks each month and if you need a community checking account.

7) Figure out who’s going to be responsible for what. Meals, taking out the trash, walking the dog, etc.

Address the issue of how often your relatives and friends are going to visit. Visits from the in laws are always an issue - even if you’re not married.

Living together can be just as sobering as marriage — and have just as many legal ramifications — or not. While ’shacking up’ seems free and easy, it isn’t always and there are things to consider before clearing out drawer and closet space for someone:

1. Emotionally, breaking up and moving out can be just as traumatic as ending a marriage, so don’t fool yourself into thinking living together is just a casual, trial kind of set up. It can be very, very hurtful to move out after living together.

2. Logistically living together that doesn’t work out can be a huge hassle. Moving is traumatic and logistically chaotic. Movers, packing, unpacking, finding a new place — either temporarily and then permanently can make it impossible to find things you need because they’re either in boxes or left behind. Mail never gets forwarded on time and bills and phone service can be a lot of work to get transferred from one address to another.

3. Legally, living together may seem like a no-brainer, so people do it easily, but if you end up living with someone for a long time, and this amount of time varies from state to state or court to court, you may find yourself bound by common law marriage restrictions. Even if there is no ring on anyone’s finger, and no marriage license, you may be bound to financial commitments you didn’t know you made!

4. Parentally, if one of you is a single parent, and children are involved in the cohabitation of adults other than their legal guardians, you may find yourself staring down the barrel of a legal shot gun imposed by the other of the children’s parent who finds the guy or gal his or her kids are suddenly living with, dangerous or inappropriately behaved to be around children, and you may lose custody of the kids because of your partner’s behavior or history of behavior.

For more divorce advice for women like: how to inventory for divorce, how to protect my assets in a divorce, how to break up marriage and help for women after divorce check out my advice columns on breakup and divorce.