Behavior Today: Virginia Tech Aftermath

Online Grieving

Students live much of their lives online, and they will grieve online — on MySpace, in e-mails, and on message boards. This is their cyber-community, and it makes sense that they will learn, date and connect online, just as they will grieve online.

The missing e-mail from the victims of the Virginia Tech shootings will be ghosts in cyber-space. The MySpace pages of the victims will be like the clothes closets of the victims — haunted by the words and the clothes that identified these people before they were shot down and killed.

What Happened And Why

College decisions will definitely be impacted by the shooting at Virginia Tech. Students choosing a school where they will attend daily, not to mention their parents, are expecting safety. They’re expecting not to be shot or killed in the course of a day. Sadly, but realistically, universities and colleges that don’t take security seriously are going to see a dip in their enrollment.

The reality is that terrorism takes all forms today — from foreign, sophisticated terrorist networks, to loners who have access to a weapon. And no one is one hundred percent safe. That said, universities and colleges can accept the reality and impose standards of safety to meet today’s challenges, or they can stick their heads in the sand and pretend “it doesn’t happen here.” The reality is, it does. From ivy league to community college, students are less safe than ever.

Security doesn’t quite realize that it’s the new, hot industry, but it will. Especially when students and parents decide not to attend or send their children to enrol in universities where safety does not take the same priority as SAT scores.

Celebrities and heads of state among other public people have dealt with this kind of terror more openly. Their security advisors protect them from harm, kidnapping and privacy invasion. It’s time that this security is shared with the rest of us — in fact, along with fixing roads and outfitting educational institutions, tax dollars should be spent protecting our citizens on college campuses from terror in the same ways that celebrities and world leaders are protected during the course of their normal day.

The technology is there. The security systems are known to wealthy people. It’s time to spread the security to everyone.

Until that time, here are

10 Tips To Take Care

1. Carry a cell phone that is fully charged. Get into the habit of doing so. You can call for help if you have your cell phone, and if it’s charged.

2. Only contract with a cell phone company that directly connects you to 911 if you dial it. You’d be surprised how many cell phone companies don’t.

3. Refuse to attend a school that does not have security measures that make you feel safe.

4. Refuse to live in a dorm that does not have a 24 hour security guard, camera system, and state of the art security plan.

5. Keep your computer on. In emergencies, e-mail and campus websites can be a great source of information.

6. Coordinate with a dozen friends (and if you don’t have a dozen friends, make them for this purpose) and set up an emergency only website or MySpace or some type of site where you can quickly share information in case of a problem.

7. Listen to your instincts. Too often we over-ride our own instincts with “rational” thoughts. If you don’t listen to your instincts, listen to your mother.

8. Know the exits and entrances to your building — whether it’s a classroom building or a dorm or a movie theatre. Be aware of where you can enter and exit in case of emergency.

9. Keep your car’s gas tank full. If you are able to get to your car in an emergency, make sure it will be able to run!

10. Don’t deny. Problems of all magnitude happen. Being aware of what they are, what they could be, and what they have been will give you a jump on being prepared, and preparedness is a safety measure.

Different Ways People Express Grief

The death of a loved one makes the rest of us feel alive. We look at who we lost and what we lost, and in contrast, see who we are and what we have as a result of the loss. It’s a very human instinct.

Many people react to loss by feeling angry and bitter. They feel cheated and they feel that life has treated them unfairly. They may go into a rage, drink to numb themselves and hold a grudge or a bad feeling for a long time.

Then, there are those people who feel lucky to have known the person for as long as they did, and lucky to be alive themselves. They feel that life is precious and short and that it is a gift, and they try to make the gift more joyous and rich. Even though it doesn’t seem it, It is the same reaction as those who feel rage-ful and angry, but the expression of goodness is the opposite expression of the same feeling.

Like colors, feelings are primary, but when mixed, become secondary and tertiary. Unlike colors, the feelings may be expressed in ways that look exactly opposite of each other. The same feeling may be expressed as anger or as joy depending on who is having the feeling.