Entertainment: How Would You Help Save Paris’ Career?

QUESTION: We’re looking for advice on how to rehabilitate Paris Hilton’s image. What would you do, would you put her on a media tour, post-prison?

APRIL MASINI: Paris Hilton is sitting on a gold mine opportunity. There’s very little she can do wrong when she emerges from jail (she is not in a prison — she’s in a jail). All eyes are going to be on her — now more than ever. She has gathered an audience because she’s had and done things other people don’t do, can’t do and/or aren’t privvy to — like attend exclusive parties, take exclusive vacations, buy and wear exclusive clothes, date rich and famous men, have a television show, ride around in limos all the time, and have access to all the money most people would ever want in their entire lives. Now, she’s done something else that is unusual and something most people don’t do — she’s gone to jail, become a pawn in a political tug of war between the sheriff and the judge in LA County, and she’s lost it in public for the first time, and again, something most if not all celebrities and famous do not do.

Paris does and goes places the rest of us don’t.

In addition, we are a community starved for leadership. That’s why we have embraced celebrity culture. No one is telling us not to. At least, nobody we’re listening to and respectful of. Celebrities are the new black. They’re who our kids want to be like — instead of their classroom teachers.

If Paris really wants to make a positive splash she has numerous opportunities. Here are some:

* Private Hilton. Her PR people have already issued a statement through her attorney suggesting we should put our attention on the men and women serving our country in Iraq, Afghanistan, etc. Nice move. Paris could do a USO type tour or even enlist a la Prince Harry. Jessica Simpson has a Private Benjamin type movie coming out soon. If Paris wants to turn it around, she should drop her Simple Life shows for a while and do a hardcore military stint. C’mon. Who doesn’t want to see her commanding a unit of grunts and doing it well?

* Paris for Office. From there, she can run for office — any office. I’d love to see her give Al Sharpton a run for his money. She’s not a mean person. She’s just weak. Maybe jail will give her some mettle, and she can do real charity work — not just writing checks, but making a difference in a hands on way in slums or poor countries.

QUESTION: What should her talking points be?

APRIL MASINI: Paris has had a hard time, but that’s exactly what makes her accessible to the rest of us. That picture in the paper of her crying is probably her worst nightmare, but the truth is, it’s the first thing that’s humanized her to the rest of us in ages! She needs to talk about her horror. Her fears, the worst parts of jail, the mental illness she’s allegedly coping with, and what it was like to be a political pawn, bounced around. She should also admit that she spent lots of money and how the judicial system is not fair to people without lots of money. If she would admit it, she’d gain a tremendous amount of support.

QUESTION: Would you change the way she dresses?

APRIL MASINI: Nope. Love the glamour. It’s hot.

QUESTION: Publicize her newfound spiritual side?

APRIL MASINI: Personally, I haven’t seen a newfound spiritual side. I’ve only seen evidence that she’s a Barnes and Noble book club member. Buying books doesn’t mean you’ve seen god. It’s just retail.

QUESTION: Forbid her to be seen in a club for a year?

APRIL MASINI: No way. Forbidding a person to do something is best left to parents and the judicial system. Not society.

QUESTION: Make her date a Peace Corps volunteer?

APRIL MASINI: Nope. Let her have her own journey. That’s what we love about her. Anyone who doesn’t blunder, doesn’t make for good reading.

QUESTION: Or is it too late to build up any goodwill for Princess Paris?

APRIL MASINI: It’s NEVER too late for anyone.