Marriage: Couples Choosing Celibacy

Sexual sabbaticals are usually a default decision. When a couple is disconnected emotionally or physically (usually when one person is working out of town), they end up taking a break from sex. If a couple is physically out of touch — if they’re in two separate cities for a good reason like work or caring for a sick relative — a sexual sabbatical is understandable. I do not, however, think it is a good idea to take a sexual sabbatical because of an emotional disconnect or some other problem in a relationship. People who act like it is okay are people who justify their behavior because they are afraid to face the reason for the lack of sex.

Sex is a way that people express their feelings for each other, and meet physical needs and desires of their own. Nobody gets every need met or every feeling expressed when they want to the way they want to — but a healthy relationship has a good balance of both partners feeling sexually satisfied. When there is no sex in a partnership an integral part of the relationship is not being attended to and/or expressed. This is a problem.

If one partner in the relationship is sick, that is a good reason for a sexual sabbatical. If one person in the relationship just gave birth or had surgery, that is a good reason for a sexual sabbatical, but if it’s some other reason — that reason needs to be brought to the surface and dealt with. Sex is a barometer of the health of the relationship.

Ways to Get Back Into Sex After A Sabbatical

1. Get my book, The Next 50 Dates, and learn how to get ideas for keeping the spark in the sex life of a committed relationship.

2. Get yourself ready. If you feel sexy, you’re halfway to sex! You’ll act differently, speak differently, move differently and put out a different kind of energy when you’re well groomed, wearing sexy lingerie under your clothes and have your sexual self in the forefront of your mind. This works the same way a “catching smile” works.

3. Baby steps. If you haven’t had sex with your partner in a while, don’t expect fireworks the first time out — even if you’ve been married ten years, and it doesn’t seem like it should be considered the first time out.

4. No pressure. If either one of you feels pressure to “do it” and “do it” at a certain time in a certain way, you’re bound to lack enjoyment and the sex won’t be great — in fact, it could easily abort before completion! Keep the mood light. Keep the pressure off.