Surviving the Death of a Longtime Beloved Spouse

There are no rules for peoples’ reactions to the death of a loved one. A lot of their reaction has to do with the relationship, but more of their reaction has to do simply with the person that the mourner is — not the deceased.

* If a loved one is lost and the relationship was wonderful, a mourner may feel anguished because the loss was of something wonderful.

* On the other hand, if a person has a wonderful relationship with a loved one who passes, chances are that person has the skills to have those relationships with other people in his or her life.

* Some people are very accepting of death and it’s easier for them to let go because they had a great relationship with a loved one.

* History plays a part in mourning a loved one. If the person’s historical experience with death in the family and among friends is positive, then the chances are that this death will fall into the same realm. If death has always been a wrenching thing for the mourner’s family and friends, then regardless of what the relationship was when the deceased was living, the death will be wrenching because that is the person’s “culture” — or micro-culture.

* Chemistry also plays a part. If a person is relatively healthy and stable, normally, they will be better able to weather the death of a loved one than someone who has a suppressed immune system, addictive tendencies or manic depression and other such dysfunction, disorder and/or illness, regardless of how loving the relationship had been when the deceased was alive.

Top 3 Reasons Women Don’t Prepare for a Spouse’s Death

1. Many women never prepare for a spouse’s death because they are so afraid of the loss of control associated with their husband’s death. Women who spent their marriages being taken care of financially — and not just those who didn’t work at a salaried job, but those who’s husbands balanced the check books, doled out money weekly, and did the taxes by himself — are more at a loss when it comes to preparing for a spouse’s death.

2. Other women don’t prepare for a spouse’s death because they are in denial about his mortality. To lose a loved one can be traumatic — more so for some people than others. One way of not accepting a spouse’s illness or mortality is not to accept responsibility for preparing for his death.

3. Some women don’t prepare for a spouse’s death because they are not familiar with or at ease with numbers, math or any financial issues that are commonly associated with preparing for death, like taxes, insurance, wills, etc.

Tips and Advice On Preparing For a Spouse’s Death:

1. Have a family meeting with a few family members that you trust and want to help you when your husband does pass away. At the meeting make a plan for what will happen if your spouse dies before you do. Listen to your loved ones’ ideas.

2. Locate your husband’s will. If he does not have one, have one drawn up.

3. Know where all financial records are kept and who the family accountants are and have been for the past decade.

4. Know and locate all insurance policies.

5. Meet with your clergy to have a brief chat about this subject.