Gratitude–It’s Not Cheesy and It’s Easy

Gratitude came up in a conversation I had with a friend last night. She and I have been friends for 31 years and we have survived a lot of life together. We did this using the “three C’s”–complaining, commiserating, and consuming (major quantities of alcohol). Now we’re convalescing in a 12-step program that recommends gratitude and shows us how to find it.

This may sound like very new-agey, cloud hopper stuff. When gratitude was as foreign to me as a Maltese milkshake, I thought it was just some made up state of mind. Lip service for people practicing positive thinking, which I also thought was ridiculous and unattainable. Because it seemed that way for me.

My friend and I discovered that gratitude doesn’t have to be dug up like an artifact. When you’re on the right path, it just kind of appears before you. That’s not to say we shouldn’t acknowledge it–even document it–as a mood lifter and reminder when we find ourselves slipping into self pity over any number of things, but it really does simply materialize in the strangest ways.

We talked about how some people seem to be born with it the same way some seem to be born without it. The old glass half empty, half full example. We wondered why this is. My mother always looks at the positive side of things where historically I’ve looked at the negative, the have nots. This proves to me that my shortage isn’t environmental.

Sobriety has shown me, without Herculean effort on my part, that gratitude will inevitably just wash over you. It might be for a sunrise or a good book, a quotation that fits a circumstance perfectly or the mere absence of a hangover. Sometimes it’s just a feeling of inexplicable contentment or connection to your higher power. For me, it’s happened in so many instances over the past five months, I can’t even list them all here. And, trust me, it’s like waking up and suddenly being able to speak Chinese (that is, if you couldn’t when you went to bed). 

In a meeting last night a man shared his thoughts. He and his girlfriend have been homeless since right before Christmas. They look rough. He’s been in prison more than once. They’re people I wouldn’t have thought twice about before. I might’ve felt sorry for them but I certainly wouldn’t have thought they had anything I wanted. When this guy spoke last night, I was riveted. He’s calm and eloquent. When he talks about his Creator, he puts any clergyman I’ve ever heard to shame. He’s been to terrible places I can’t conceive. He’s contemplated suicide. Yet, out of his horrendous experiences came this calm, centered spirit.

I told my friend about his message, the way he articulated his feelings and the profound effect it had on me, at that moment, on so many levels. And then…it just slipped out. I said, “I’m so grateful to be able to see people as they really are.” What if I hadn’t found this program? I wasn’t in the habit of hanging out with people like this man. I didn’t even drink in bars. I was a much more refined basket case. I might never have gotten to hear him say, with such grace and conviction, what God has done for him. I wouldn’t have seen the look in his eyes, the one that says he’s seen hell but, more importantly, he’s seen heaven. Because I wouldn’t have looked twice at him.

The greatest truth I’ve ever learned is the one about the best things resulting from the worst experiences. They say when you’re in hell, keep walking. When everything seems hopeless, make a list of things you’re thankful for no matter how insignificant they seem. Being grateful for the small things brings the most happiness. Take it from me, a former Olympic ingrate, habitual hater, the misery militia–gratitude can belong to you. Just open your arms and be ready to embrace it.