Today’s Idols–Young Girls Beware

Back in the seventies Laurie Partridge smiled demurely and the only thing she shook was her tambourine. She was pretty and stylish. I idolized her. Marsha Brady had the long, straight hair I wanted and a broad smile with perfectly straight teeth. She had tons of brothers and sisters. I wanted that too. Then there was whichever angel Jaclyn Smith played. Was her name Kelly? Anyway, she had the perfect hair toss, cool car, calm and confident mannerisms. I never missed an episode featuring any of these three.

Granted, the attributes I mention aren’t particularly noble or deep but what do these poor kids today have to look at? Nothing but a bunch of drug and alcohol addicted, bed hopping, porn producing, purposely puking, pop stars and box office buttheads.

My niece is 11 years old. We had to laugh when she was 7 or 8 and constantly singing “Whoops, I did it again” and “Baby, baby…” with serious effort toward getting it just like Britney. Sweet Lord I pray today that she doesn’t get anything just like Britney. How terrifying. And, really, it was evident then just where Britney would eventually be. You can’t take a 16 or 17 year old girl, encourage her to dress and gyrate like a stripper in front of thousands and expect to end up with a role model, roll model maybe, role model–no. 

And how many families set their clocks by and turn off their phones for American Idol each week? Practically everyone I know. It’s the latest in “family fun.” That’s wholesome. Especially the part where Paula tries so hard to hold herself in her chair–because of the extreme anti-gravitational forces that must be present on that set–that her tongue hangs out of her mouth and her eyes roll back in her head. I feel the need for a disclaimer here. I have not ever and, God willing, will not ever watch that show. But I hear enough of the fallout to feel I know whereof I speak. People are tuning in just to see how wasted Paula is this week. And she gets paid big bucks to appear that way on national television. Does anyone remember a time when careers were over because of antics like these?

Today it seems like celebrities haven’t “arrived” unless they’ve arrived at a treatment center. And we’re asking why so many of our kids are messed up? The cover of the last issue of Star Magazine, ever present at store checkouts everywhere, featured a bloated Britney, locked-up Lindsay, plastered Paula and other super-star screwups. The whole magazine was devoted to that. It seems the rich and famous are doing very little else. Again, I ask, who do kids have to admire?

And no unhealthy-behavior stone is left unturned. Mary Kate Olsen has certainly taken the skeleton out of her closet. In fact, she takes it everywhere she goes. I hate to be callous but I am SO over her too. She never seems to miss a photo opportunity. Meals, evidently, are another story. Once the hero of little girls everywhere, today she looks like the spooky great grandmother of little girls in horror movies everywhere.

I feel for parents of generation Y’s young girls. Although it’s no picnic trying to raise boys either, girls are undergoing a horrific evolutionary change. Middle school is for divas, it seems. And they’re drinking, drugging, fighting and having sex. Wonder why. It’s in the natural order of things for the younger to imitate the older. That’s how all animals (and we are animals) learn to fend for themselves regarding food and shelter. It’s inherent.

What’s not inherent is such widespread deviant, defiant, destructive activity. That’s learned. I have more questions than I do answers but I know that if I had a young girl today, I’d be shopping for boarding schools on Mars. The only other thing we can do is the one thing that renders the powerful powerless, especially celebrities. Ignore them. Stop feeding their notorious neuroses by tuning in and turning pages to see what they do next.

Now that I think about it, the answer is simple as answers usually are. Stop buying the insanity and the insanity will stop.