Paris in the Pokey. I Can’t Wait!!

Well, well, well…It seems life’s about to get real simple for my favorite nitwit, Paris Hilton. For 45 days she won’t have to worry about matching her sunglasses with her outfit. She won’t have to clean out the Prada or pick out a new nail color. All that bothersome shopping and clubbing will give way to restful, contemplative days…well, restful anyway.

When you and I drink a s—load of Jagerbombs and drive, it’s called DUI. When Paris Hilton does it, it’s called “alcohol related reckless driving.” Yet her attorney thinks she’s “being singled out because of who she is.” Her mother, Kathy, called the judge’s ruling “a joke.”

The ruling came about as the result of Paris’ complete disregard for her probation parameters. She wasn’t supposed to be driving and she was supposed to attend an alcohol education class. She didn’t bother to take the class and she was caught driving, speeding rather, late at night with no…hello….headlights on. Yeah, Kathy, it’s hilarious. What if she’d killed someone? Some joke.

Sounds like pure defiance to me. But, the good news is, Paris told the judge “from now on” she’s going to start “paying complete attention to everything.” No time like the present. From what I hear, attention is a good thing to pay in jail.

I am so happy I could kiss this judge. Finally, someone is treating a law-breaking celebrity just like a law-breaking anyone else. Especially in drunk driving cases, there should be no leniency for anyone. But over and over the rich and famous get a slap on the wrist, some embarrassing press and they’re back to endangering lives in no time. This time someone said no.  

If this goes the way I hope it does Paris will have to report to county jail by June 5th. No ankle bracelet at the palace. No country club detainment facility, no reality show cameras to help make the best of things. Just jail. Just like anyone else who blatantly and repeatedly ignores the rules.

Maybe she can turn this into a positive experience and do some service work while she’s there. A little hair advice for the other inmates. Some tips to the concierge, er, warden of the Grey Bar Hotel about how Hilton does things. And twisted toilet paper boas for all.