I’m Talking and I Can’t Shut Up!!

Yet another fabulous saying I’ve heard in AA is, “Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth.” This advice would be well heeded by non-alcoholics too. The older I get, the more I notice that people can’t stand to stop talking and listen.

I’ve always been a motor mouth. My parents and teachers were contstantly telling me to zip it. I can remember chattering endlessly to my friends and, in retrospect, they probably wanted to tell me to shut up but they didn’t.

Somehow along the way, though, I did learn to listen. I don’t say many nice things about myself but I am a pretty good listener. It’s not totally selfless though. I’m curious and when you listen you find things out. For years I’ve used it as a self help tool. See, if you really listen you learn a lot more than just what the person’s saying. I read between the lines and I hear things that pertain to me. Most people are pretty much just thinking out loud when they talk, bouncing their own ideas around, talking themselves into or out of numerous plans, schemes, situations and feelings. I like to listen to their positive responses to what’s happening in their lives because it teaches me to react more positively.

If they’re negative, I learn from that too. I see where their self esteem is injured by listening to their interpretations of what’s going on around them. If I listen I can hear pride, envy, self-righteousness, greed, gratitude, love, anger, fear and all kinds of other human feelings that need attention. The good stuff other people talk about helps me see the glass half full. The negative reminds me of the feelings I’m having when I talk that way. Listening keeps me in check.

My friend’s husband used to jokingly accuse us of what he called, “mindless chatter.” That serves it’s purpose too but some people–not us, of course–take it way too far. You know that feeling you get when you’re standing in front of someone who simply will not shut up? Sometimes I scream inside my head as I stare at them, unblinking, praying to God Almighty for their phone to ring or their heart to stop. And it’s always that same nervous, going nowhere kind of verbal vacuum. On and on about nothing at all.

These people are the ones who would rather take a bullet than a breath to let someone else get a word in. I don’t know what it is but it seems to be some kind of compulsive disorder. It reminds me of faulty wiring, like they’re being shocked repeatedly and, through no intention of their own, they just talk and talk and talk.

I watch this woman I work with and she’s one of these people. Nicest person in the world but she has to do all of the talking. Once it starts, it’s not likely to end quickly. She’s one who uses 12 sentences to say what could be said in one and she pontificates endlessly. Maybe it’s because her parents are both teachers and psychology majors. I know that because I listen. She probably doesn’t even know I have parents. She lived with mental dissection and psychic surgery her whole life and she definitely finds her own words way more interesting than anyone else’s.

I can go off on a tangent just as quickly as anyone else but I try not to do all of the talking and not be in such a hurry to hear my next sentence that I don’t let someone finish theirs. It can be hurtful to feel like what you have to say is so unimportant to the other person that they simply won’t let you talk.

The bottom line is we all learn more, most of the time, when we listen. It’s perfect when you talk with people who are sensitive to the give and take of a normal conversation. I’m blessed to have this in most of my relationships.

Besides, I can’t speak for anyone else but sometimes talking just plain wears me out. I’d rather kick back and let people prattle on. I get a break from the sound of my voice and the endless stream of thoughts in my own head. Those can be dangerous. Listening to someone else saves us from ourselves more often than not. If you think you’re a compulsive talker, try giving it a rest. Let someone else have the podium and see if you don’t learn something or, at least, get that kink out of your jaw.