Super Wal-Mart: Weekend Fun for the Deranged

The days are slipping by and I keep meaning to write about tolerance, a wonderful trait to possess and a beautiful gift to share. Unfortunately I’m really, really devoid of it and things that fertilize my intolerant nature keep coming to the surface before I have a chance to write about how important it is to be tolerant.

One of those things is Super Wal-Mart. Specifically, Super Wal-Mart on Saturday. I knew today was going to be a doozy when I walked in and people were waiting in line for motorized carts. THEY WERE ALL OUT IN THE STORE!! Those are always good for major traffic tie ups and a bruised shin or two. People were swarming in no apparent pattern all over the place. It took me 20 minutes to get one thing from the make-up aisle and dry cat food. I still had a week’s worth of groceries to buy. Not a good start.

I have a request. With all due understanding that the economy isn’t great and family entertainment is expensive, I would still like to implore all you moms out there NOT to use the store as a family-outing destination. PLEASE. For some reason, not made known to me by headquarters in Arkansas, the aisles at SWM are ridiculously narrow. When you, your husband and 2.5 or more children are fondling every can on the shelf and having a family pow-wow about the next seven day’s meals, things clog up a bit.

Today I found myself behind several of these families. One in particular had settled in right in front of the mayonnaise. Granted, salad dressing choices have increased to exciting proportions but how about making these important decisions in the comfort of your home so the rest of us can shop? This family was oblivious to the fact that me, an employee trying to restock shelves and about 12 other people were standing there staring at them while they enjoyed their public bonding session.

Honestly, there were a few times where things actually bordered on hazardous. Wide-eyed people maneuvering carts, trying to avoid collisions, using careful strategies to get into a new aisle as if weaving into a turn lane at a crowded intersection. It was insane! 

By the time I got to the paper towel and toilet paper aisle, I no longer considered them to be necessities. Leaves, I thought, will do just fine. It’s amazing how close to the edge of sanity that place can drive me.

I do have a choice here. The grocery only store, while also crowded on Saturday, seems to draw a calmer, more efficient crowd. It gets congested but people actually seem to want to leave there at some point. It isn’t given the same “theme park” status as Wally World has taken on and, for some reason, there aren’t as many cart dwellers on the loose, backing up, beeping, bumping and glaring. My nerves are much steadier there. And, I noticed today, SWM’s prices have gone up–a lot.

So, from now on, no more Super Saturdays for me. I’ll go to the smaller stores, get my stuff and get on with my life. And just in case anyone in Bentonville, Arkansas is reading this…Have you looked at the butt of your average customer lately??? Bigger aisles from now on, please.