Gift Registry Not my Cup of Tea

Next to Cheesecake Factory I think Target is probably my favorite place on earth. They have EVERYTHING and I like the fact that the merchandise is trendier than at Wal-Mart, which is NOT my favorite place on earth.

Today I had to go to Target for a baby shower gift. Mom-to-be is registered there. Now, my only other experience with this newfangled gift registry thing was at Wal-Mart and the computer was not working–figures. So today I  was a tad bit daunted but not to be deterred.

As soon as I walk through the door at Target my endorphins start partying. I don’t know if it’s the colors, bright reds and oranges or the fact that the Starbucks near the entryway immediately tries to seduce me like a carny at the fair. “Your pumkin spice latte is here. Cooome get a little caffeine and sugar buzz. Mmmm, whipped cream. You know you want it, Erika.”

Exercising complete self control I grabbed a cart and moved forward with anticipation. Through the toiletries, the food (I love that I can quickly grab the exact things I need for dinner without walking for miles while being obstructed by motorized cart dwellers like at you-know- where), back to electronics where I found the Christmas gift I was looking for at a great price, then to cards where I found some hilarious George Bush birthday cards. There were loads of them, by the way.

I put off the baby gift until last. I approached the gift registry computer cautiously but it walked me right through…mother’s last name, first name, state of residence and presto, a TEN page list printed. My euphoria turned to panic. Fairly quickly I figured out how this goes. The items she wants are listed, the quantity she desires is listed, and the number of each item already purchased is efficiently listed. I still don’t trust it.

Anyway, I scan the list. Since this is about me, I mentally discard things like breast pumps, monitors, diaper wizards (or whatever they’re called), bottles and the like. I want to buy cute stuff. This is my Target experience, dammit! So, I get to the bedding–or cribbing, as it were. This is more like it and the items on the shelf match the ones on the list…wait a minute. She wants “Winnie the Pooh” and “Safari” and ”Butterfly” sheets, dust ruffles and mobiles??? That’s three different themes. We’re not talking about Madonna here. This madonna to be is no prima donna.

Using my great powers of deduction I reasoned that, since the baby’s room has animals and trees painted on the walls, the safari themed items must be the ones she really wants. So I grabbed the sheet, dust ruffle, and mobile.

I did get my pumkin spice latte and literally zoomed all the way home. The unborn baby’s grandmother is my neighbor and I flagged her down on the road to proudly tell her about my purchases. The confused look on her face confirmed my initial fears. The gift registry failed me again. She wanted the butterflies and Grandma isn’t sure why all the other stuff was on the list.

So, ladies, I have a suggestion. In each invitation, list one item, where to get it, color, brand, etc. and save the old people. We can’t take it anymore. In our day, you went out and bought some receiving blankets, onesies, and diapers. Family members bought the stroller, crib, high chair, and car seat. We went into labor, the kid went to school and that was that. This is way too confusing.

However, there is a bright side. Tomorrow before the shower I get to have another pumpkin spice latte. Make it a Venti.