Away in the Mayhem

You’d better watch out. You’d better not drive. You’d better not go out, I’m tellin’ you why…insanity is coming to town.

It’s that time again. The clock is ticking and we’re on the biggest deadline of the year. And boy does it show. I was on my daily pilgrimage to Big Lots the other day, just for a couple of gift bags. They’re cheaper there than anywhere else and over the years I’ve learned we can nickel and dime ourselves to death during the holidays.

Speaking for myself, the frenzy was such that I would blindly grab, pay, and go–everywhere I went. I was in a catatonic state until it was all over and I would be stunned at how little was left in my bank account. It was like I went on a crack binge or something, coming down only to discover complete wreckage. Only it wasn’t crack; It was Christmas.

These days I’m calmer. I start early and concentrate on each item, right down to wrapping paper and scotch tape, making sure I’m being wise with my money.

So, I got in line at Big Lots behind a quiet, patient man who considerately stood to the right of the entrance to the checkout lane so as not to block the way of shoppers. I noticed that two ladies, who weren’t quite in the same cathedral of conscience, lined up straight into the aisle he had avoided by forming the new line. They lined up after he and I. The first lady invited him to go first. He thanked her but assured her he was in no hurry as he didn’t “even have a dog waiting for him at home.” He said it jovially but I took note of his good natured spirit at a time when family should be everything.

After he paid I waited while the lady who graciously allowed him to go ahead of her (even though he was there first) darted past me. The lady behind her, who lined up after all of us, was having a heated discussion on her cell phone, griping all the while about some third party who doesn’t like her and she “just can’t understand why.” She stopped only to glare at me, demanded to know what I was doing (standing to the right) and if I was in line. I assured her that I was in line, resisted the urge to tell her I was there before she was, and used my most charitable voice to invite her to go ahead of me.

With the concentrated agitation of only the most oblivious, she continued fumbling in her basket and uncomfortably balancing her cell phone between her neck and shoulder. The poor soul on the other line was probably dying for a fire or a really good blue-light special at that point. Angry woman dismissed my generosity and impatiently shooed me forward, anxious to return to her grumpy lamenting about this person who doesn’t like her even though she’s “done everything” to try to get them to. Why do I doubt this?

I watched her as the cashier scanned my bags. She had a cart loaded with stuff. I think we’re probably all familiar with the gift packs containing two coffee cups, some coffe, chocolates, dusty parfait glasses, etc. Fancy packaging that pleasantly disguises a complete lack of thought or caring about the recipient. She began hurling the stuff onto the counter with practiced apathy, still complaining to her, most likely, noose-notching confidante. Before I turned to go, I took a last look at her pinched face and pursed lips. Detecting a hint of greenish pallor, I thought…Could it be?

I got home and my husband began telling me, animatedly, about his trip to the Christmas tree lot for firewood. He pulled onto the lot and stopped, politely, to let another customer out when someone behind him leaned relentlessly on his horn–no doubt afraid the last tree was about to be sold. My husband gave him the single digit sign for “peace be up yours” and proceeded. The little girl, who was helping her family sell the trees, yelled, “I  want to wait on that man. He’s so nice, he just told that other man he’s number one!!”

And, to all, a good fight.