Calling Back a Dead-End Date

What are your obligations when it comes to returning the calls of dead-end dates? I am not good with confrontation. I am, however, extremely good at a little tactic called avoidance. Ignore something long enough and it will eventually go away, right? I’ve found this to be true of annoying friends, money problems, car trouble, and most importantly, bad dates.

I went on two dates with C. The dates were nice and we had plenty to talk about and lots in common. But the spark just wasn’t there. I’m big on feeling the spark, and if I’m not feeling it pretty quickly, then I’m not feeling you, and there’s no reason to continue pushing for it. So, after our first date, I had a feeling C wasn’t the one for me, but since he was such a nice guy, I gave him another chance when he called again. The second date, after a nice dinner and lots of drunks, we went to his apartment where I soon realized I was stuck for the night. It was late, he lived far from any public transportation, it was raining, and I was drunk. Sure, I probably could have called a cab, but like I said, I’m not good at confrontation. Plus, I was really trying to be a good sport and just go with the flow.

Probably not a good idea. His apartment was disgustingly dirty, which to me equals huge turn-off. His bedroom was the size of my closet. His mattress was on the floor. Stuff was everywhere. He tried to get a little too lovey-dovey with me that night and I could not get home fast enough in the morning.

Three days later he called me again, wanting to hang out. The thought of spending another night on his mattress on the floor, desperately avoiding his groping hands made me cringe. I needed an excuse, and fast. But excuses aren’t my forte, so I let his call go to voicemail and figured I’d deal with it later. Three days later and I still hadn’t dealt with it.

He called again; just a casual message seeing what I was up to, probably assuming that I somehow didn’t get his call from a few days earlier. He could tell I was a nice girl, and nice girls don’t just ignore someone’s phone calls, do they? Once again, the call went to voicemail and yes again, I delayed calling him back. I figured I had to eventually, but what would I tell him? I asked my friends and they gave me the following options:

a) I could tell him I’m extremely busy between school and work and just don’t have time to continue dating.
b) I could tell him I just realized that I’m still not over my ex-boyfriend.
c) I could just not call him back. Ever.

I’m not proud to admit it, but I went with option C. Yes, I took the easy way out. I swear, though, my intentions were good. I mean, what’s the sense in embarrassing the boy and making an uncomfortable situation even more uncomfortable? My logic is this: By me not calling him back, I’m telling him the same exact thing I would be telling him if I did call him back, minus all the awkward conversation.

So far, I got off scot-free. He got the point (see? It worked!), and now, I just have to be extra-watchful when I’m out and about in the city. Because who knows when or where I could run into him. And then, I’d have some ’splaining to do. I lost my phone? I had to move across country very suddenly? I got amnesia and forgot all about him? Shoot, I think I might need some more excuses.